Tis the Season...

So the last week before Matt was done with school Joshua was incredibly ill. He had toncilitus, a cold, and an ear infection. Yes, life was fun for a while at the Smith home. I haven't been feeling well but it has been hard to tell if the sickness is really a cold/sore throat/ or just plain pregnancy crap. Either way we spent about 1 week in our pj's enjoyed staying in away from the cold weather in Logan.

On a happier note Matt now has a Master's in Human Resources and just has a few more months for his MBA and then he is done! He did so well this semester balancing everything. He is great at balancing his calling, me, Joshua, and again...me :). Poor Matt has to carry everyone because I'm useless right now. But I'm so proud of all he does and how smart he is! Congrats MATT!


My dear friend Karen also moved away from Logan :(. This made me so sad and I'm so sad I won't be right there to see her and her baby girl! She has been such a great friend and I loved getting to know her! Friends make life so much better! I will miss you Karen! Thanks for lunch and Hillaree and I plan to come visit you once you have your little girl! Church won't be the same and Joshua will probably hate nursery even more.

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Last Sunday Joshua met his first apostle! We were visiting my parent's ward and we had the opportunity to listen to a Christmas program by Elder Anderson and his wife. They are in my parents ward and so sometimes we get to see him. He gave an incredible talk about not fearing the hard times. He said, "everyone has tribulations... Faith does not take away fear all the time... Everyone fear--even the most faithful..."

That was great to hear because I worry about so much. I worry about Joshua, about the health of this baby because I don't eat well, have no vitamins, and about wondering if I have enough courage inside to finish this pregnancy. It's so hard, being so emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained everyday. And I get mad at myself because I think I'm a weaker person for fearing what might be. I try and only focus on getting through that day and don't keep track of how along I am. Which has made it go by faster. Turns out I just barely reached my 6 month! Hurray! Almost done...sort of.

When we went up after sacrament to thank Elder Anderson for his talk we shook his hand and Joshua immediately reached out to shake his hand. He LOVES to shake hands! Elder Anderson was very impressed.

I love having my parents live in Bountiful because you never know who you will see at your sacrament or stake conference.

For The Record...

My cute friend Meg does a weekly confession post and I love them! Meg, this post was inspired by your many confession posts.


This is basically how I feel all the time. Just for the Record...



For the Record...

*Yes, I don't seem to gain actual pounds very fast but that doesn't mean my belly doesn't grow like a weed! So the scale says I only gained a few pounds but my belly gets just as big as anyone else. Which I guess is good but hard to explain to people because I look just like a normal pregnancy person, instead of a starving, miserable one.
*What was the point of being physically fit if you just get stretch marks all over what you thought were healthy abs?
*I can't ever use a public restroom when someone else is in it because I get near vomiting if I hear anyone do anything
*I HATE eating candy to help my nausea. What is worse? Constantly feeling nauseated or having cavity filled teeth?
*I can't figure out if I have a sore throat or just the lining of my esophagus has been eroded, again.
*I'm not willing to drop everything for someone if I've just thrown up. But that doesn't mean I don't feel awful afterward and cry because I didn't follow through with something.
*I hate matt being in school and working.
*I hate finals week for Matt!
*I get my kicks from watching episodes on youtube of Marie Antionette
*I've seen Toy Story 3 probably a thousand times since we bought it in October and the movie is driving me crazy!
*I probably let Joshua watch too much TV but most of the time I just feel crappy so it's hard to do much else with him...I'm an awful mom I know...
*I hate driving anywhere but love that Matt randomly takes me to visit old friends and my mom because sometimes, you just need your Mom.
*I have a PRN note to the IV Fusion center at our local hospital so I don't have to call the doctors office every time I feel like I'm dieing or go to the ER
*I'm super sensitive and if anyone remotely talks mean to me I just cry for hours
*Everyday seems like an eternity and all I do is focus on getting through that day

Yes, I'm miserable but I know I'm doing the RIGHT thing for me, RIGHT now in my life. I know that this little boy was meant to come join our family NOW.

So even if I'm miserable, deep down I'm happy because I'm one day closer to having this little guy here with me.

This Is How We Do It...(3 posts)

Josh loves to dance. He loves to dance because ever since he was a newborn I sang and danced with him. He loved it when he was only a few months old and now LOVES to join in! He dances any chance he gets and has no shame. I love it because I'm obsessed with dancing my problems and frustrations out, along with exercising it out. It helps so much and now Josh won't be one of those lame boys who refuses to dance...matt ;)

Everything feels better after a random dance party :)

The Break...

I love this time of year! Lots of family, breaks, and food. I wasn't looking so much towards the food part of the holiday this year but luckily the IV fusion center snuck me in before the break and because of that I was able to enjoy some of Thanksgiving. It was so fun to see Josh play with one of his two cousins on my side. He loved her and especially loved Grandpa! They were so cute, I just wish he could find someone who would run with him all the time!

The week before Thanksgiving we went to Bear Lake because, why not? Both matt and I needed a break and we invited my brother and his cute wife Michelle. We went swimming and then just played. It was great! We love spending time with them!

Baby 2

The final word is that we are having another BOY!!!!! Baby looks great and healthy in all aspects. Mommy even gained some weight, wahoo! I think this is the only time I will be excited about weight gain.

I'm ecstatic because I won't have to buy new clothes and I will already know what to do this time with a little boy. It won't be playing the 'holy crap what do I do' game again. Which will be nice. I have so much fun with Josh so it will be exciting to have another boy who will probably be just as crazy as josh. I love little boys!

I just wanted a girl to accessorize and not cut off all that hair! It makes me so sad when I walk past the racks of cute clothes for girls that are on clearance and head to my small little half rack that has a few boys clothes, which are always newborn size...so lame. I also dieing to do hair of little girls...so maybe some of you who have girls can just let me come over and do their hair. That is basically the only reason I wanted a girl...which I guess are pretty shallow reasons so it is a really good thing we are having a boy because BOYS ARE SO CUTE!!!!!

To observe and...

Observing my son is getting more and more fun. He plays so well...most of the time and is the biggest sweetheart. Ive realized now that he is one easy child. He always just has to be busy. He eats well, unless there are distractions, he never has spit up food of any kind, he loves to listen to music, loves to watch mommy and daddy do everything and copies us exactly.

Joshua randomly picked up the oven mit and started looking in the oven like he was baking. Then I asked him it was done and he said naha. Then he shut the oven and looked in it again. Don't worry the oven really wasn't on...I'm not that bad of a mother. Also here is a picture of Josh copying dad happily while we wait for stake conference to start.

After we've had breakfast I shower. I usually give him a cookie and put on cartoons to distract him for 15 mins while I rush to get ready for the day. The other day I rushed out to check on him because that morning he didn't want to watch cartoons and after having heard stories of other children getting into big messes I was a little worried. To my surprise I found he had turned on the tv gotten into the fridge, taken out the grapes, shut the fridge and was enjoying an episode of cartoons. I just laughed.

Then the next day I gave him the grapes and cartoons and set a cookie by the grapes. When I came out the grapes were back in the fridge and he was happily eating his cookie. No mess. No open doors. He's pretty much perfect.

He has his moments but I'm convinced he's pretty much perfect. I try and wonder why I ever complain about him. The first year was so hard but I think it was hard because both of us had no idea what we were doing. Now that he's learning and developing I often just sit and watch him. Watch him play with his trucks, legos, stuffed animals, card games, watch everything. The whole world is a wonder to him and I love being there with him to discover it. His smile melts me every time and I'm finding I have more patients. More patience for the tantrums, more patiences for the nightmears, and more patiences for the poop (which has been really hard since I'm pregnant and always nauseated).

I'm even more patience with this pregnancy than I was with josh's Almost two weeks ago we took a little trip to the ER to get me hydrated. It took 3 liters of fluid and 8 liquid mg of zofran to perk me back up. If you had talked to me that day or the next I was pretty down on myself. I hate being hungry. I hate being thirsty! I hate not eating things I know taste good. I hate having more zofran in me than the local grocery pharmacy usually carries. I hate it all!

But in the end I get a perfect child. A perfect beautiful child and that is what getse me through each day of this long miserable 9 months! That is what keeps me trying. That is my hope. That is why unless I'm close to another ER visit you will see me smiling. I know my limits and things like church and long days wipe me out. But people don't see that...poor matt does. Poor matt. He gets to see the puking, the tears, the frustrations, and constant sick feeling I experience. But he still loves me. He still holds my hand and comes home the moment he can to take care of me. What more could I need?


P.S. This was posted from my phone so the photos are out of order, so I'm sorry. This is also two posts but I wanted it in this order and didn't want to redue everything so this is me being lazy. Enjoy!

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Here are a few pictures of my belly so far. The first picture is of me at 11 weeks. Yup, notice the maternity pants. That happened much earlier than last time but something funny about my weight...I lost weight to start off. Then I haven't been able to gain even an once. Exactly the same at each appointment. You'd think there be some fluctuation but nope.

The next photo is of me at 18 weeks. As far as I know I think I gained weight but I don't keep a scale in my house. I swore I never would after seeing how friend's mothers obsession with weight made them extra insecure and then reading study after study about the negative affects it has on the kids if a mother is constantly dieting and checking her weight. So no scale but my belly seems to be growing just fine. But eveytime i think have ive gained weight i get on the scale at the doctors and it says otherwise...so ive stopped guessing. Maternity jeans and regular jeans fluctuate daily with the level of food consumed. As each day varies from just crackers to maybe two full meals. Just depends but I am more than confident that the weight will come. It always does.

Halloween Parties...and basically my son is adorable...

Here are some pictures of Joshua's second Halloween. He had a lot of fun and I let him eat lots of junk, against my better judgement. But he loved it and didn't mind his batman costume after we got it on. Every year it's a struggle to put those costumes on. We went to a halloween carnival and a primary party. There are also pictures of Josh hanging out with his now, two girl friends. Already a ladies man. I mean when you get freshmen girls trying to get your attention when you are riding on a bus and then you blow them kisses and bat your eyes, who could resist you?

There is also a picture of him and dad doing what they love to do, watch football. Josh loves football because it is something that him and daddy do. Just the boys. I love my family!!!!!

You know you are pregnant when...

You know you are pregnant when...

*you dream that Meranda Baily from Grey's Anatomy is giving you your IV therapy
*you are excited in a dream for IV therapy
* you look at your old favorite food in disgust thinking how did I ever eat this or, what the heck is wrong with this, why does it taste so different
* you get nauseated by any cigeratte smoke miles away
*you cry that Mondo didn't win project runway
*you dream about getting a good night of sleep only to be awakened by the urge to use the restroom for the 5th time
*you long for food but can't think of anything that sounds remotely appetizing
*you wish you looked more pregnant and not just fat
*cute little baby clothes make you super excited
*your husband asks what is wrong and the only reason you can come up with is that you have no clue
*you no longer cook any meals and the guys at little ceasar's start knowing you by name
*despite eating a large meal you still feel hungry
* You insist that your husband sit down when using the restroom because the sound makes you nauseated
* you dream of reserved parking places for you because you are making a human being while everyone else is being lazy
*you can't kiss your husband until he brushes his teeth in the morning
*you require at least 9 hours of sleep at night and still need a two hour nap just to get through the day

Don't you love being pregnant

Smith Family Update

I can't believe it's October. Time is flying by. Soon it will be Christmas and I will get to see some dear friends who have moved out of state and of course my awesome family. I love the fall and the holidays that follow. Lately Joshua has made a really good friend. We play almost everyday and josh loves her and her parents. It's great! I wanted to show you how cute they are together. They actually play and are usually very well behaved together. I also included a picture of what Josh usually does when I puke. He rubs my back... so cute! He is always so worried about mommy and takes some toilet paper off the roll so mommy can wipe her face clean. It's really sweet.

We also had Joshua's 18 month check up a while ago and he was still big. He's in the 73% for height (don't know where that came from but we expect to see that number drop), 53% for weight, and 95% for head circumference...yeah, we have big heads in our family. Hopefully that just means he will be super smart :). No wonder he couldn't get out of me, he was way too big. He also like to say, "I pooped" now, and loves bus rides on the aggie shuttle.

Smith pregnancy #2

I just wanted to write down a few things that have been different for this pregnancy.

-I lost weight to start off
-thought I had the flu before I was pregnant but then weeks late after coming back to Utah and got the flu
-was really worried I wouldn't be able to handle throwing up and feeling nauseated while being required to be a good mom
-thought coming back to UT would be hard bc of all the changes
-love being here at Utah state even though I'm a die hard cougar
-only throw up once or twice every other day
-hate fast food, which is actually what allowed me to gain any weight last time since nothing else stayed down
-am living off brigham peaches and honeycrisp apples :) mmmmmmm
-have the magic drug zofran which make me sleepy
-having fun because the time is going by fast with a little one who requires so much attention
-still not eating very much and always get excited when I eat something that taste and looks good that has lots of calories :) worried about gaining enough weight
-have the cutest new baby bag for my new little one
-prepared to breatfeed a baracooda, actually now see that as a blessing bc it only took 5 mins to feed Josh
-not worried about having a competent OB
-have a great doctor and if we move back to CA will have the best doctor


Only new thing is that matt and I now have a super huge recliner and sofa! Hurray for not being house poor anymore. Oh and Joshua has a girlfriend already. A later post to share :). He also gets along really well with other kids just not when mommy holds them.

Bleeding Love

There is a song by Leona Lewis that I have started to like. I've heard it a million times and thought it was descent. However the song has become to be more meaningful to me lately because I looked past the words. The Drake would be proud because I analyzed the heck out of it. And I recieved the needed guidance and inspiration for this new trial I'm going through.

First the song reminded me about how everyone told me I was crazy for getting married so young. Particulary my family. But just like the song says, they only wanted to keep me from falling. Getting married I made sacrifices because I was so young. No study abroads, no dating my brother's friends (totally a joke), debating between majors and professions, and etc. But getting married was the best thing I could of done! It changed me for the better. Made me stronger and made our marriage stronger because we were both so young and stupid that we both made so many mistakes. But now we have an incredibly special relationship. We know each other so well because we grew the hard way.

The next part of my life that I applied this famous song to was deciding to have a child so young. And then discovering that there was more to worry about than getting fat during a pregnancy. I had 4 doctors during this pregnancy, Joshua was 2 weeks overdue because of lost files/misread ultrasounds etc, then an emergency C-section because Joshua stopped moving as much as he should, losing 1 quart of blood and having inexperienced residents tell me, "you're bleeding and to be honest we don't know why...if it continues we will call the doctor back," throwing up in more public places than I would like to remember, not drinking for 9 months, getting admitted to the ER because I was so dehydrated, the list goes on but I won't bore you with all the problems I had.

Most people would be done with having children because their first experience was incredibly aweful! But when I look into the eyes of Joshua my hearts melts. It beams with pride and love. Literally, I bled for him. Bleeding Love. Get it?

I will now bleed again for someone I love. That's right, I'm 12 weeks pregnant!




Crazy right? Well I have been really sick but my insurance now covers the magical drug Zofran and while I remain nauseated most of the day, don't sleep, slowly sip water, and occasionally puke my guts up (mainly bile) because nothing is in my stomach, It has been much better. I get nauseated when I talk on the phone so some of you dear friends like Nikki, Christina, & Diana you will have to forgive me for not telling you personally. But I hate talking on the phone because it makes me so sick!

I have a much better grasp on myself emotionally because I know I'm not dieing. I know the pain, the misery, the lack of food (which I really love), and lack of water (which is like gold to me usually) in my body will end in less then 9 months. And the end result will be a beautiful baby! A baby who loves me more than they can express. A baby and a family eternally connected no matter what happens in this life.

Much has been required of me to have children but I never look back and hate when people try to tell me it is worth it. Well duh, that's why I'm doing it again. I would of had to learn a lot and grown during my pregnancy with Josh to have survived. Purification by pain is often the best way to learn. Anything that is worth having in this life takes work. The work of motherhood is not easy by any means but more rewarding than can be measured in this life. Only accurately measured by those who are parents because they see all those tender moments between baby and mom.

I have a promise made to me by Elder Holland that gives me strength to endure the hard times and the hard time of juggeling two needy chidlren. It's a great talk and is the talk that is what the Mormon Message, "Motherhood:An eternal partnship with God" is based off of. Go read it, it will make you cry and give you strength more than the video does.

"Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make a honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be." Holland, Because She is a Mother

Birthday Weekend!

This past weekend was my birthday! I'm so spoiled! Matt gives the best presents and I loved my whole weekend. I recieved so many calls from family and friends, thanks guys! Matt & I slept in and took Joshua to a park and had ice cream after. Later we dropped Joshua off at one of my friend's home and Matt & I went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse! I love that place! I love the rolls! After we walked around the mall to settle our stomaches. Then we picked Joshua up and watched Confessions of a Shopaholic for the 4th time this week...it was an early birthday present.

I also enjoyed the Grey's Anatomy Season premier this week! And the icing on the cake was a long girl's day in SLC for the Relief Society Broadcast. I went down with some of my most dear friends. We shopped, ate at the Nauvoo Cafe, then stopped in Bountiful for a late night snack. The broadcast was amazing! The whole First Presidency was there and I was so grateful we had made the effort to go! I love Relief Society and love this church! What an amazing program we have to help us through this crazy life!

Matt was a trooper and spent all day with Joshua and at the end of it he was wiped out. It is hard playing mom for a day ;). No, Matt is great at supporting me whenever I need a breather or anything. He is very understanding and very sympathatic. I am so blessed to have such an understanding husband!

Basically it was a great weekend with lots of shoes, clothes, great food, and friends. Thanks to everyone who contributed to my birthday celebration!

Utah Times...

Now that we are recovered from sickness we are enjoying our home again. We have met with some old friends and had some really great times. We are so lucky to have made such great friends while we are here for graduate school. Josh loves the kids here but misses his first three girlfriends from California, the Maia's! Matt has been extremely busy with school and work. But he has a great schedule that allows us to have a four day weekend every weekend. Matt works so hard and we have so much fun together. I'm so grateful to have such a great family! Here are some pictures and a video of some of the fun things we have been up to.

La Pieta...

My child never lays down for a movie and never holds still. This was a rare occasion for him to be so calm....he was only calm though because he's been way sick!


Our own La Pieta! Josh miserable and only wanting mommy...mommy miserable and only wanting her mommy!

Our welcome back to Utah gift was the stomach flu! This gift packet included the whole family and all of us puked our guts out together as a family. No one slept for about 23 hours and had one of the most incredibly difficult night. Poor Josh...he's never thrown up before and he hated it! He would bite his lip so it wouldn't come out but to no avail.

He became so dehydrated that we had to take him to the ER last night. Is it sad that mommy and daddy both looked at his zofran drip and drooled! Oh, how I wanted one too! Neither of us had eaten for three days! We were both so dehydrated and hungry.

Josh is doing better though, we watch lots of movies and take long naps. No more puking since his visit to the ER. Which I forgot to say he did great as the nurses were trying to find a vein in that chunky little hand. Poor guy.

My cute friend brought us dinner and told me she would not take no for an answer...she knows me too well. We greatly appreciated it and it really tasted like manna from heaven. My mom's been out of town on one of her St. George school trips so I didn't have my mommy available when I needed her. Funny, how we all tend to get sick when she is out of town. But I'm grateful to know that if she was in town she would of come to my rescue...which is great because Joshua loves her!

I'm grateful for my family but sad because we won't be going to Bear Lake this weekend. I don't want to pass this bug along so we are quarantining ourselves this week. Not fun! I wish children never got sick...the world would be a better place if that happened. Being sick as an adult I can handle but seeing my poor kid puke his guts out and look so sad just broke my heart a million times over again.

Utah...

So we are officially back in Utah now. It's hot and miserable weather! I hate the summers in Utah and hope we never live anywhere it is hot like this. Our drive went well and we were able to fit everything into our altima. I'm a great packer and that I know I inherited from my awesome dad.

Josh seems to be very comfortable here and we have already seen some old friends. I loved this ward when I left and am happy at least some of my favorite people are still here!

Our first weekend back we stayed in Heber and visited the smith's. It was fun but I felt bad because I was all drugged up on benadryle thanks to some kind allergic reaction to...maybe...the sun? I spent all summer in 60-70 degree weather. Right on the harbor it doesn't get hotter than that. It was perfect and just my kind of weather. But here in Utah it is way to HOTTTTTT!!!!! Luckily where we live is slightly better temperature wise.

Matt and I also celebrated our 4th year Anniversary! We are so old! Along with ours we helped celebrate my grandparents 71st anniversary! They are the cutest old couple and I just love them to pieces! To surprise my grandma we drove down and brought her Maddox! We decided she needed a big stake and potatoe meal with none other than my grandfather's most disliked kind of pie...banana cream :). It had to be that so maybe he would get so mad that we were eating his least favorite pie and come and be with us. We miss you Grandpa on a daily basis and still feel like you will come shuffeling from around the corner.

Matt and I bought a washer and a dryer for our anniversary and of course matt gave me flowers...he's so well trained! But seriosuly I have the best husband! I'm so spoiled and so grateful he let me shop til I dropped in California.

We get to see my whole family, minus the usual...wolls, next week in Bear Lake! I love my family and am so excited to see them! Josh will have more fun this time because he can now play with his nieces. It should be lots of fun and I'm really looking forward to it.

Included are some pictures of our last few days in California. Oh how I miss you California! But I missed you Utah too! Just not your heat!!!!!!


Josh swinging with one of his many girlfriends...



He loves the park!






Joshua eventually fell in the water because the waves were too strong...he loved it though


I love this picture!

18 Months and still the Cutest Thing I ever Saw!

These are pictures of him hanging out with dad and eating his favorite..."abble"

Also recently I waxed our car and Joshua had to join in because he loves to do anything I do. What a cutie!








18 months and still such a cutie!!

These are just a few thing Josh loves to do. Here are also some great
pictures. I'm ready to come home to UT now and ready to not live out
of a suite case anymore. I love my little boy to pieces! He's so
precious! I think right now we are driving each other crazy because we
are bored. He really has to be around lots of people to be happy.
Mommy is not fun enough for the whole day. He loved it when my parents
came to visit and he was such a sweetie! He loves it when we visit our
neighbors who have three girls but I feel bad going over there
everyday. But I love the two ladies I've gotten to know better here
over the summer! What a fun summer.


BTW Josh doesn't have his 18 month stats yet because we haven't been
to the doctor yet. But that is he first thing we are doing the moment
we get back! I'm so excited for a better MD for him!



Loves kitchens and playing with pots and pans
Loves his daddy...watches movies with dad of himself playing and dancing
Loves nursery
Loves every food very good eater
Loves to be outside
Loves to run
Loves birds
Loves trees
Loves the park
Loves the boy slides at parks
Speaks and say anything u say as long as there is no binki in sight
Loves books
Hates shopping--unless he can run around the whole store unchecked
Loves to be with other kids
Loves hugs and kisses
Mommys little protector, whenever daddy makes her laugh too hard he
cries bc he thinks he's hurting me
So smart--figures out how to use our Iphone--happening for months now
Loves to explore
Loves to run
Much better in the car now
Very social
Hates to be indoors
Loves his Legos
Loves cookies
Loves balls!!!
Likes nemo and up
Likes to eat snacks and watch a quick episode of burn notice or high
school musical with us--I don't like high school musical but Josh
loves the dancing and singing so I watch it
Loves to raise his hand
Loves music!!!
Loves to dance to any kind of music especially Kelly clarkson--maybe
bc that is daddys ringtone
Hates to shop and try on clothes
Likes to be naked
Loves to splash
Loves bath time
Great sleeper--except when he rolls off the bed--soon that won't be a
problem since our crib will be back soon!
Getting Better at listening to mommy
Always scrapes his knees when playing outside
Loves to have me kiss his hurts better
Loves to swim with daddy
Loves to take naps on big bed
Loves to help me anyway he can, mop, clean the mirror, clean anything
with a clorox wipe
Loves to help me do laundry--he especially loves to hug our garments--
I have no idea why?
Loves his car trucks!
Loves to go pick up daddy from work
Loves to jump in any puddle and get all dirty
He's a little OCD--which I love!
Can't have his hands dirty
Pokes out his mouth so mommy can wash it clean after he eats
Hates, hates it when his hands are dirty!
Hates it when hecant rub off my moles on my leg
Loves to run and play in parking lots--that's bc our old apt use to be
right infront of a parking lot
Getting better with being around strangers
Loves to be around girls


That's about all I can think of and all you probably have time to
read. I'm so grateful to be a mom. I don't deserve such an angel. He
has such a sensitive spirit--just like his daddy! I love when he
laughs and love to chase him around. I love to watch him sleep and
love to see him in his Sunday white shirt and tie! Just can't wait for
the cold weather so we can add an argyle sweater to the mix! Can you
tell, I need a girl to dress, boys just don't have as many cute
options but it is better ecnomically for us.
`

Thinking...but not complaining

Lately I feel like I complain too much about motherhood. I guess it just comes down to the fact that this kind of work is not what I'm use too. But let me be perfectly clear....


I LOVE BEING A MOTHER!!!!


I was talking to a friend who doesn't want to have kids yet bc jokeingly she said. 'I want to be the baby in our marriage still.' I told her having a baby is a bIG step but one that will change your life forever. You are not suppose to be selfish in this life but give continual service. And who better to serve then your family? People who you love and people who love you unconditionally are the best people to serve. I've been really selfish in my life from time to time and that is when I'm most depressed. Only when I'm serving others do I find peace and joy. I've been helping out a neighbor friend here who has three girls and is pregnant and whose husband works from 6pm-6am. We go over and play and keep her company and she worries that we are doing too much for her. I tell her I benefit far more from those days then her. Tthose are the best days! Those are the days I'm most happy with myself and Joshua is most happy. I'm not trying to tell you that I'm some great person by telling you about my service, I'm just trying to testify that serving brings joy. Lasting happiness. Which is why I LOVE BEING A MOTHER.

Art class

So you can see I have a lot of time on my hands....I write too much. Buy I was meditating today and realized how much I missed my high school art class. I miss having a set time to paint or draw and listen to great music with some incredible people like cristy bupert, Kayla young, Tori fedor, and many more. What fun times high school really was. Now I'm all grown up and have many more reponsibilities.


I think we should all get together and paint again. I miss that.

Man, I need to get painting again and need my piano. I'm definitley missing something when I don't draw or play the piano. Not that I'm fantastic at either but they are fun. I'm ready to go back to UT and have all my stuff.

Some food for thought...

My current call as a nursery leader drives me crazy! Crazy because the one day of the week where I get to sit and learn from other mothers and women in the church is spent wiping noses and comforting tired kids. I love Relief Society and the strength that comes from being an active member of that wonderful organization. But primary is beyond me! I want someone else to babysit my kid--bc let's face it--motherhood is draining! Having one day where I get to wear cute clothes and not worry about smeared goldfish all over dry clean only clothes is great!

But I've figured something out. Something that took a lot of effort to be reminded again.

"the Savior will help you do what He has called you to do, be it for a time as a worker in the church or forever as a parent. You may pray for help enough to do the work and know that it will come" Eyring 2000

"the good works that really matter requires the help of heaven. And the help of heaven requires working past the point of fatigue so far that only the meek and lowly will keeping going long enough. The Lord doesn't put us through this test just to give us a grade; he does it because the process will change us." Eyring 1990

Being a mother really does require working past the point of fatigue but I can find help from heaven in doing it. I can also find help dealing with crazy nursery children. This job as a nursery leader will prepare me for the future--whether it be future callings or future kids(totally not announcing!). But both scare me to death so I guess I better start relying more on the strenth certain situations give me rather than the situation itself.

But I only have 4 more Sundays of nursery for now!!!!!! :)

Thinking out loud...

I'm thinking out loud again. Sorry. I've recently come across a women my age who couldn't wait to tell me how every women in her family has become much smaller since they had children. She asked if I had experienced that phenomenon. I defensively said, 'well my weight is the same but my body seems to have changed shape. Meaning my rib cage and hips are wider. ' She didn't say anything but looked like somehow she knew that would not happen to her. This kind of made me upset. I'm so thrilled that I can still wear the same clothes bc buying more clothes would of been expensive but her comment started to make me feel less proud of what I had accomplished. Now this girl is very nice and I'm sure she meant well but I'm really sick of how women compare each other. Why do we body check our friends? Why do we complain about an after pregnancy body? I mean heck, your body just created a baby! That is amazing and beautiful! We should all just congratulate ourselves on that. So I had a feeling to search for a talk I had heard a while ago and thought I'd share it with you. It gave me multiple answers to some questions I was thinking about.

It's by Elder Holland and it's called To Young Women. Again we see the church praising women and declaring how we stand on equal ground with the men. Hope you enjoy!

"First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. 1 That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him. Because of this divine heritage you, along with all of your spiritual sisters and brothers, have full equality in His sight and are empowered through obedience to become a rightful heir in His eternal kingdom, an “[heir] of God, and joint-[heir] with Christ.” 2 Seek to comprehend the significance of these doctrines. Everything Christ taught He taught to women as well as men. Indeed, in the restored light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman, including a young woman, occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator. You are, as Elder James E. Talmage once phrased it, “a sanctified investiture which none shall dare profane.” 3
Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you. A woman’s abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the Spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life were fiercest. 4 I say to you what the Prophet Joseph said more than 150 years ago: “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.” 5

A woman not of our faith once wrote something to the effect that in her years of working with beautiful women she had seen several things they all had in common, and not one of them had anything to do with sizes and shapes. She said the loveliest women she had known had a glow of health, a warm personality, a love of learning, stability of character, and integrity. If we may add the sweet and gentle Spirit of the Lord carried by such a woman, then this describes the loveliness of women in any age or time, every element of which is emphasized in and attainable through the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon called “vain imaginations.” 11 And in secular society both vanity and imagination run wild. One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us. Yet at the end of the day there would still be those “in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers” as Lehi saw, 12 because however much one tries in the world of glamour and fashion, it will never be glamorous enough.

Best Weekend So Far...

This past week my delightful parents came to visit! We had so much fun! We took them to our favorite restaurants, Santa Barbara, kayaking and of course went shopping here. My dad even walked away with a pair of UGGS...he just wanted to be like the rest of us.

I'm so lucky to have such great parents. Joshua loved having them over! He is such a social butterfly and loves company. Mommy just doesn't meet all of his engery needs anymore :). But he loved having them over and was so sad when they left. He especially loved Grandpa.

Here are some pictures of our weekend. There is also a picture of him enjoying his Jamba. He loves those too and loves to hide under the table now too. Which is why there is a picture of him eating Jamba under the table.

Thanks mom and dad for a great weekend!

P.S. I don't know why they loaded turned but that is what you get when you use a public computer. My favorite is of Grandpa and Joshua on their way to church in their white shirts and ties.

This is Home...

I only have four more weeks in California. Only four more weeks of beach, nice pools, assigned parking, and fun friends. I will miss you California but hopefully we will be back! Crossing my fingers!!!

I'm ready to see my family but will be sad to leave our fun times here. We've had so much fun but I'm excited for Matt to finish school and have two graduate degrees!!!!!!!

Pen v. Sword

I while back I wrote an op-ed for the BYU paper. I wrote about frustrations about being categorized by people. Since most most people know I'm adopted and don't speak Spanish they know I've experienced rejection from both the Hispanic community and the caucasion community. It never really got me mad until I went to BYU. I always just thought it was funny. But this certain person made me so angry about not being Latin enough for my current job at BYU that I lost it!!! I was getting so angry it started to effect me. I lost sleep for several weeks and finally decided to do something.

I did what my history classes and my health classes said to do. I wrote an opinion editorial about my cultural dichotomy. And guess what BYU actually picked up the story that week! I know the BYU newspaper isn't that great of a publishing source but I was proud. It shut that girl up and we started to get along again.

So lesson learned...the pen is really mightier than the sword. I'm writing about this bc on Saturday night I was bored and typed in my name to google and added BYU and guess what I found. Some Hispanic community spokesman posted on his very well read blog my article. I was floored!

I'm sharing this because I want people to believe in the power of writting. Not only that but believe that if you are experiencing some kind of trial there usually are more than a handful of people who can relate. Take comfort in knowing you are not the only one experiencing sorrow. Writting is good for the soul--so write, even if it is only in your jounal.

The 4th With Friends...

WE had a great holiday weekend! I love July in California! Nice cool weather, great fireworks right outside my door and over the ocean. The best! My friend Diana & her husband came to visit over the long weekend. We went shopping, went to the Wax Museum on Hollywood Blvd, hit China town, and 'little mexico.' It was so great to see them. However, I didn't take very many pics of us toghether. Sad. But here are some of what I have. Thank you Christina!

We also had a BBQ with the other Smucker interns which was fabulous! Great food and great company, it doesn't get much better than that!

Hope you all had a great 4th!