First the song reminded me about how everyone told me I was crazy for getting married so young. Particulary my family. But just like the song says, they only wanted to keep me from falling. Getting married I made sacrifices because I was so young. No study abroads, no dating my brother's friends (totally a joke), debating between majors and professions, and etc. But getting married was the best thing I could of done! It changed me for the better. Made me stronger and made our marriage stronger because we were both so young and stupid that we both made so many mistakes. But now we have an incredibly special relationship. We know each other so well because we grew the hard way.
The next part of my life that I applied this famous song to was deciding to have a child so young. And then discovering that there was more to worry about than getting fat during a pregnancy. I had 4 doctors during this pregnancy, Joshua was 2 weeks overdue because of lost files/misread ultrasounds etc, then an emergency C-section because Joshua stopped moving as much as he should, losing 1 quart of blood and having inexperienced residents tell me, "you're bleeding and to be honest we don't know why...if it continues we will call the doctor back," throwing up in more public places than I would like to remember, not drinking for 9 months, getting admitted to the ER because I was so dehydrated, the list goes on but I won't bore you with all the problems I had.
Most people would be done with having children because their first experience was incredibly aweful! But when I look into the eyes of Joshua my hearts melts. It beams with pride and love. Literally, I bled for him. Bleeding Love. Get it?
I will now bleed again for someone I love. That's right, I'm 12 weeks pregnant!
Crazy right? Well I have been really sick but my insurance now covers the magical drug Zofran and while I remain nauseated most of the day, don't sleep, slowly sip water, and occasionally puke my guts up (mainly bile) because nothing is in my stomach, It has been much better. I get nauseated when I talk on the phone so some of you dear friends like Nikki, Christina, & Diana you will have to forgive me for not telling you personally. But I hate talking on the phone because it makes me so sick!
I have a much better grasp on myself emotionally because I know I'm not dieing. I know the pain, the misery, the lack of food (which I really love), and lack of water (which is like gold to me usually) in my body will end in less then 9 months. And the end result will be a beautiful baby! A baby who loves me more than they can express. A baby and a family eternally connected no matter what happens in this life.
Much has been required of me to have children but I never look back and hate when people try to tell me it is worth it. Well duh, that's why I'm doing it again. I would of had to learn a lot and grown during my pregnancy with Josh to have survived. Purification by pain is often the best way to learn. Anything that is worth having in this life takes work. The work of motherhood is not easy by any means but more rewarding than can be measured in this life. Only accurately measured by those who are parents because they see all those tender moments between baby and mom.
I have a promise made to me by Elder Holland that gives me strength to endure the hard times and the hard time of juggeling two needy chidlren. It's a great talk and is the talk that is what the Mormon Message, "Motherhood:An eternal partnship with God" is based off of. Go read it, it will make you cry and give you strength more than the video does.
"Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make a honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be." Holland, Because She is a Mother
8 comments:
I've been waiting so long for this post! I've been about to burst with the news keeping it all to myself every time you posted something. Some time, Maritza, you and I are going to have to sit down and really talk, you just need to move closer!:). I think we have a lot more in common than you know and you'll find I have had the exact same feelings that you've had. We both married, young, me even younger, we both had kids young, my first I was barely 20. I had another 2 years later, and so on. Anyway, I would love to get some extra one on one time with you so that we could bare all of our frustrations and concerns and we could have someone else that really undersood us. And you're right! It actually does get WAY easier after you've had one child. It's knowing that it get's over in 9 months that makes it worth it. I've never been sick like you, but I've definately had different types of difficulties in my pregnancies where my body physically shuts down and I'm an emotional wreck!! You'll notice too that when the little one gets here, it will be so much easier than with Joshua because you'll know that everything comes in stages. The sleepless nights end, the spitting up, the missing everything fun because you're always home with the baby. It's so much easier to get through when you have done it before and know that all of the hard things don't last forever. Some time, I want to take you out to lunch and we'll have a fun little girls outing and have a talk about things! Love you,
Carrie
Oh. My. I just commented on Matt's facebook status! I had to read it a few times to get it!! Haha..I am so freakin excited for you. Yes, I admit, I was going to give you a hard time for not telling me in person, but I guess your excuse of being too nausated to talk on the phone will work. Now we are even, I didn't tell you when I had Jayne, and you didn't tell me when you were pregnant. Even!;) oh I hope this round of pregnancy isn't as rough on you. I am sooo happy for you. You and Matt are the perfect couple and have a beautiful child. You need to have lots of babies! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!
I have been waiting for you to come out with the news! Your mom maybe spilled the beans about two weeks ago. Congrats i am sooo happy for you. I hope you have a girl! Let me know if I can help you. I know where you live and i would totally drive for you!
Congrats!! I'm glad you get to take Zofran and that you were nice enough to tell me about your blog even though I am a bad friend.
How exciting! Congratulations! Please let me know if there is anything I can do! :)
yay! maritza!!! i'm so excited for you! And I loved your post. I've been in some pain during my pregnancy and it's nice to be reminded that it's worth it. Except your ordeal sounds a lot worse than mine... I hope this one goes smoother for you!!
Congrats maritza i am so excited for you guys. It turly gets better with more kids, I promise. Keep us updtaed
oh my gosh.... no way!!!!!! congratulations!!!!!!!! I can't believe it....
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