Not Today...

So this basically has become my online journal.  I don't write very fast anymore and enjoy typing because the speed at which I can type.  Those piano lessons sure paid off for multiple reasons.

Matt and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago.  We spent the time in UT visiting temples, eating good food, and meeting up with good friends.  It was a good break from reality.

On our way home though, reality struck with a call from someone from the ward about something that had happened that day at church.

I dreaded going back to "work." I kept thinking, I don't get paid enough for this...

I know may pay check comes from Heavenly Father which is probably the best employer but that week and now rolling into this week I have felt that this isn't worth it.

I have been on the edge of panic attacks the last two weeks.  When I was younger I use to have what I thought were heart problems.  It was probably from stress.  I look back and think yes, those heart palpitations were from the stress of my life.

They left after I married Matt.

Who knew they would come back?

Well its' safe to say that they are back from stress.

I wonder if the church will pay for my counseling?

Hahah!

My biggest concern isn't with the children.  I love those kiddos more than I can express.  I had the sweetest experience with one of the "hardest" kids in primary.  I felt like for a moment I was privileged to see and feel how much Heavenly Father loved this kid.  He later insisted on holding my hand and asked me if I could come home with him.  He also noticed my special bracelet I wear in honor of my friend Shannon.  It was a neat experiencing telling him about her and why I wear the bracelet.

My biggest obstacle in this call is dealing with adults.  Adults make this calling miserable.

What I've been trying to figure out is that people have these difficult situations in life and think that entitles them to be cynical.  Cynical to those they don't like.  They get to be judgmental because their life is much harder than others.  I agree their life is hard. I don't take that away from them for a moment.

But guess what? Everyone's life is hard.  Everyone faces challenges beyond their capabilities.

Some people's challenges aren't as easily seen as others. And some people suffer silently with their trials.

It's handling these people who are bitter cynical and just plane mean that really gets me frustrated.


Everyone has a choice.  They can learn from how the cookie crumbled in their life or they can just keep crushing it into the floor. Making sure everyone knows the horrible condition of their cookie.

If you struggle and you want help, ask for it.  And if you don't get the help you want.  Then tell the people who are willing to give of themselves that you don't want dinner but want someone to take your kids to the park so you can rest.  Be specific.

And don't blame people for being people.

Everyone carries their own burdens, whether you see it or not.

So be nice.  Be specific.  Be kind.

Because everyone feels like their drowning in this life.

30 and 10

I have always wanted to be older than I was.  I am child number 5 of 6 kids with a 10 year gap between me and my oldest sibling.  My three oldest siblings always seemed to live this perfect super cool life.  Complete with dating and BYU adventures.  I longed for the day when I would get to be where they were.  When I would be done with being a little kid.

Time goes by fast.  I remember sitting in my gym class after a long night of studying and telling my junior high teacher that I would sleep when I was older.  Boy was that wrong!

I am reflecting because this year is a big year for me.  I turn 30 and Matt and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  I finally can say I am no longer in my twenties.  People might actually not mistake me for a RM as past stake presidents and bishops have.

But this new era has also caused some serious pondering. I will be 30.  How did that happen? What will my 30s be like? Thirteen going on 30 feels like a movie a relate far too much to.  That is how I feel when I was called to be in YW.  A fish out of water, because she really isn't an adult, but a 13 year old girl in an adult body.

The biggest problem I see though is having people give me the stare and wonder how I am where I am in my life without being in my 30s yet.  I know I am the joke and stereotypical type Mormon mother.  I made great grades, from a white middle class family, went to BYU, met my husband in our family home evening group, and am a mother of 3 boys.

People then tell me how grateful they are they didn't get married young.  How experiencing life was so fantastic and getting married would of just made them a terrible person.  In fact, that is only what girls do when they lack depth.

Normally this doesn't bug me but the last time his happened it unnerved me.  I started comparing my husband's career success to my "worldly" success.  And of course the scale would show the worse picture.

A picture of me as an utter failure.

A good talk with my husband and some serious contemplating brought me back to the truth.

What I am doing and what I have done has been successful.

I have experienced living in 3 different parts of the country.  Made new friends who we consider family now, when we literally knew no one within the entire state.  Lost a friend to cancer.  Lost a nephew.  Survived 3 c-sections. Survived potty-training 3 kids. Spoke and danced in front of 2,000 people at BYU. Had an opinion editorial published in the BYU paper and acknowledged by the Dean of students. And many more other experiences during this decade of marriage.  Graduated from BYU with a high GPA and didn't pay for tuition once (Thank you U of U tithe payers)!

I am tired of people thinking that there must of been something wrong with me because I got married  young.  Or that I caved to the pressure of the church and got married in my teenage years.  Or that I wasn't a driven or motivated person.

I got married because I met the right person! What would it have been like if we had just dated during my BYU life because I was too obstinate to marry young? Or because I walked away to pursue my worldly goals? Have you seen 13 going 30?


I would have missed out.


I would have lost.


I don't need your approval on my life choices.


I made the right choice for me.  Please don't try and rationalize my choice because it wasn't what you would of chosen.  You don't know who I am or what I have been through.

So happy milestone reaching to me! I am glad I can be a real adult soon because I truly still feel like a teenager.

Ben is 3

How did my baby get to be 3? Well Ben is the sweetest boy I know. He loves chocolate chips, snuggling, and being crazy with his brothers. He thinks he's at least 5! He loves playing cares with Sam and loves the water. He really enjoys music though and being tickled. I can't get enough of this guy! 

July is coming

It has been a crazy few months! We went to CA with the Smith's and the boys had a blast! We drove 2,000 plus miles and saw 3 temples! I missed 2 Sundays for primary and that felt good. 

It's been hard to get back into the swing of things but I have received tender mercies I wanted to write about. I was feeling overwhelmed and overworked this week as per my usual calling duties. And I didn't want to go to a RS activity but knew I probably should. 

It was there I received the sweetest hug from a little girl in primary! She hugged me and made me feel like, if I only make a difference in this one, it will all be worth it. Heavenly Father cares about the one and if it's only for her then it's worth it. 

Another one happened Sunday. I was feeling stressed and noticed a girl in our primary who is non-verbal watch me walk around the room. She smiled at me and tried to keep me in her sight. I felt at that moment that she too liked me and appreciated the love I had shown her. 

Two tender mercies. 

I have to remind myself that those tender mercies are always there, I just have to be watching for them! 

Here are some pics of our trip to CA. Next up, Bear Lake!!! 

Sam is FiVe!!

How did that happen? My Sam is five!!! This is the first time he had a birthday party and we went all out. We had celebrations with family on Sunday. Complete with cake and his favorite foods. Then we had celebrations at preschool and then a party for his friends. We took all his friends in our new car so they could watch a movie together during the drive. Then we went to Chik-FilA. And had some yummy food. Then we went and played at a play place. 

And the previous week we had cousins here and we played a ton!!! 

I'm exhausted!!! Matt has also been having long hours at work so we as a family have been zombies lately. 

But hopefully it will calm down soon and we can get back to a normal schedule. 

I am learning that life really never slows down. It just gets faster and more complicated. 

But working hard is a good thing for life. 

Adulthood

I recently watched a Grey's anatomy that reminiscent about how we grow up but really don't grow up. I'm finding that to be absolutely true. 

Children in general are very loving and happy. It's as we get older we become more cruel. It's a learned habit. Isn't that sad? 

Being in a leadership position has given me lots of information about people. And I've realized that we haven't really grown up. We pay bills, are parents, teach our kids to be kind to everyone, but for some reason those rules don't apply to us. 

It's sad.

I was recognized in my scripture reading today that Christ was beaten down physically and spiritually during His life. He didn't deserve it because He was sinless. 

I have sinned much in my life and probably do deserve guile from others. But if I'm looking at things with Heaven's eyes then I should take the cruelness without complaint. 

I shouldn't let people's inability to grow up bother me. So I won't. 

Here is to being more like my kids and loving life. 

Conference Meme Time

Elder Duncan probably gave one of my favorite talks during this general conference. 

I remember speaking to the primary president in my TN Ward and being shocked that people openly talked bad about her and even yelled at her. Seriously?  I thought why would any member of the church do such a cruel thing? It wasn't like this was her "job" and what she went to school for. She was volunteering her time, energy, and I'd say soul to help the primary grow. 

I remember thinking I hope I never get put in that position. 

Flash forward almost two years. I've had a hard time for sure with my new call but it probably was aggravated by the fact that I had one snide person to deal with. He treated me with contempt when I asked questions and literally talked down to me. I let him get to me and eat at my psyche. I was getting really upset and relating too much to "revenge" songs. I wanted to call him out for his behavior. But I really wanted to understand why I had been given his contempt? No one could accuse me of not trying or not giving 100% to my calling over the past few months, so I felt like I didn't deserve his attitude. 

Matt is a much better person than me. He always thinks positive of people and tries to remind me that people are imperfect. But that's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to console me and tell me I was right for condemning this person. 

After this I heard this talk I knew I had to try and forgive this individual. He probably doesn't even know how his attitude and unkindness ate at me. He might not even care but that's on him. 

Today I'm barrying my hatchet. I am applying the atonement to my life because I need His grace. I need to be forgiven of all the times I made snyde remarks or got upset. I need to be forgiven of all the times I was in the wrong and didn't choose the hard right. 

General Conference Weekend

This weekend was a great General Conference weekend. The boys did really well with our games and listened most of the time. Which is amazing because they don't listen to many things. We have also been on spring break so we have had lots of play dates and activities. It actually hasn't been as long as I felt it would. 

Little Apple seeds. 

The boys got some Star Wars bubbles from hearing one of the speakers. 

While cream is always an essential part of general conference. 

Before GC starts we hand all the apostles pictures up. Behind each picture we put an activity/prize. The boys love the game and it helps them know these special men. Ben even recognizes them which is incredible! 

Easter Sunday

Easter has always been one of good memories. Whether it was when I was young and fighting my siblings for candy or fighting for money. Yes, my parents stopped giving us candy and started putting money in the eggs! A $50 and maybe a few $20, with lots of quarters and $1. It was a fight to the death for sure! And one sister always seemed to get the most money each time. 

This year we spent Friday night at the temple doing a wars session. It was incredible being at the temple on Easter weekend. What a way to celebrate the season. I really enjoyed the session despite being a super late night. 

For Easter we are having my brother and his family over and the missionaries. We are looking forward to good food and good company. 

It was a snowy week with 2 snow days. And now my kiddos are on spring break. 

Happy Easter All! 

The spring blizzard we suffered from. It dropped 2-3 feet of snow in a few hours. I spent 3 hours shoveling. I still hurt. 

Easter Peep houses 

The handout I made for our kiddos this Sunday in primary. The stake said they were one of the most reverent primaries they had ever been too. That calls for a treat and some positive reinforcement. 

The handout for our teachers who work in primary. Busy snowy days this Easter. 

The Weak & Simple...

I have played more soccer games than I can count.  There was a time when I actually felt like college soccer was within my grasp and a real goal that I could meet.  Probably not for BYU but definitely for an IV league...they don't often recruit the top players because they often recruit brains.

But I remember when I would play even the easiest team in the league, my heart would sink and I would want to throw-up.  It didn't matter that I knew that my team was going to wipe the floor with this other team, I still was on the verge of a panic attack.  After the whistle blew I got too busy to remember how I felt.  I played the way I had spent hours practicing.  My muscles automatically knew how to hit the ball to make it go where it needed it go.  It was automatic.

In primary I feel like this now.  I want to puke or get so nervous that I'm shaking right before everything starts.  And when it starts, somehow I pull it together.  Somehow I find the words to get me through my presidency meeting, conducting, extending information to teachers/children, and teaching sharing time.  I have to remind myself that just because I feel so inadequate and feel incredibly overwhelmed that when it comes down to it, I can do this job.

I also have to remember that this isn't a "job." It was a calling.  A call that came from my Heavenly Father.  And that means that I am entitled to His help.

I recently came across a talk by my spirit Apostle President Eyring.  It was entitled, Preparation in the Priesthood: I need Your Help. Again, it blew my mind.  I think I always learn the most from President Eyring's priesthood talks.  Which is weird, because they aren't really addressed to me.  Here are some of my favorite parts.

"He saw beyond the reality of who I was to the possibilities that lie inside someone who feels weak and simple enough to want the Lord's help and to believe that it will come." 

"Paul gave good counsel for all of us.  Don't worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord's help, you can become." 

"The Lord's greatest mentors have shown me that spiritual staying power comes from working past the point when others would have taken a rest." 

"My prayers is that we may keep our covenants to qualify ourselves for eternal life and those are called to train.  I promise you if you do all that you can, God will magnify your strength and your wisdom.  He will season you.  

These are such inspiring words.  I can't tell you how much these words meant to me.  I learned that I am going to have to push past the point of exhaustion and forget that I feel inexperienced and inadequate for this call and have faith enough to know that He will deliver me.

Some difficulties arose this week from this call and I wanted to record the miracles that came.  There was a difficult situation with a child on Sunday and I was completely blown away how to handle it.  I said a silent prayer to Heavenly Father and said, "okay Lord, I don't know what to do, you need to help me to know what to say/do."  And He did.  The situation was resolved.

The next situation came when I had to write my thoughts out about a difficult situation.  Again I said, "okay Lord, I need your help." And it came again.  A perfect letter was written.  One that I knew didn't come from me.  I even had tried googling ideas for the letter and realized, that's silly, the Lord is a much better place to search for help, than Google.

My testimony grew that Lord needs me despite my inadequacy.  And when the whistle blows, the power to fulfill my duties will come.  I have been given the authority to work over this auxiliary and receive the inspiration that I need.  I need to trust in that promise and move ward.

I made this spiritual meme.  It was a quote that came from an amazing talk by Sheri Dew, You were born to lead, you were born for glory.

The True Cost...

I know a lot of my post lately have been about me stressing but this one isn't. I recently finished watching a documentary about the true cost of clothing. It intrigued me because I LOVE to shop. I love all that is associated with shopping. 

But this documentary really opened my eyes. I knew slightly about some of the working conditions for these people but this movie really brought all the issues to life. They have it a face. 

A wife losing her husband to a brain tumor caused by pesticides that were used on their cotton farm. A mother having to leave her child with her parents because the living conditions were so bad for her in the city. Buildings collapsing on works, country's govnement calling in police on peaceful protestors for minimum wage increase. People died in these riots or we're beaten because they were asking for a "fair" wage of $160 a month. 

The cause for all this? Fast Fasion. People like me caused these events. 

I've tried to remain less worldly this year and it really hasn't gone so well. I think because shopping is a stress reliever for 

me, and it's been particularly Stressful year I've been particularly bad. 

It's March now and it's not too late to save my New Year's resolution of not buying accessively the items I really don't need. 

So here goes day 1 again. No more. It's women and children that are affected by my impulses. The feminist inside me can't let me consume these products anymore. 

Wish me luck! 

March Madness

This picture was taken after a horrible few weeks. I decided I needed some quality family time and not to focus on my calling. It was a great night and ended with good food. 

Temple cookies and CTR cookies for the great to be 8 party. So much work, but I'm glad everything turned out. 

At the Denver museum's exhibit of chocolate. The boys were sad the exhibit didn't have any samples. 

I was glad to see February go! It was one crazy hectic month. The bad news is that we all have colds now. I think my body finally stopped being in panic mode and realized I had stressed it out long enough. It's time for some rest and recovery now!!! 

Our great to be 8 party went really well! I was so grateful because that was a source of lots of stress! I had never been to one so I had no idea what exactly it was suppose to be like. 

Now I will be moving on to trying to staff the primary, seems to be a continuing issue, and getting to know the kiddos. 

My family is well! We are sick at the moment but have been great. The boys are excited for Easter and General Conference! It's the best time of year!!

Joshua surprised me yesterday by telling me that he wanted to start fasting. I asked him what he wanted to fast for and his answer was perfect. He told me wanted to fast for opportunities to share his pass-along cards the missionaries gave him. He also wanted the people he gave the cards to, to come to church. What a sweet boy? He has such a good heart! I don't deserve his goodness. 

I think we spend most of our time at parks. I love the sunshine here!! 

The Chasm is Closing

"But it is never going to be easy for you or for those you serve. There will always be pain in service and in the repentance necessary to bring the power of the Atonement to change hearts. That is in the nature of what you are called to do. Think of the Savior, whose service you are in. At what point in His mortal life can you see an instance when it was easy for Him? Did He ask easy things of His disciples then? Then why should it ever be easy in His service or for His disciples?"- President Eyring 

After having a really hard and terrible two months I'm finally feeling better. I spent last weekend loving on my family because I was a stress monster to them. I had no patience and was crazy. It was a great way to recharge. Matt also installed blinds in some of our windows and we hung curtains to help our home feel more finished. It's still all white walls but I don't mind. Whites coming back. At least it's clean! 

But I'm back to feeling more like myself. I have a big project coming up and am super excited for it to be over. I am looking forward to seeing the results of all our hard work. 

This week I only had to do a sharing time for junior primary. I was a little relieved but sad because I feel like senior primary always goes better than Junior. Probably because they are older and tend to contribute more to the lesson. I always stand up there and just feel like a preforming monkey and never know if the teachers think I'm crazy. I got a text message from one of the teachers today telling me she really enjoyed my great lesson. I was floored. It was a true tender mercy and I was so grateful to her for sharing her kind words. She will never know how I needed to hear those things from her. 

I was also going over some talks by President Eyring and realized I really needed to receive my own personal confirmation about being a primary president. I needed to know that it was truly what Heavenly Father wanted for me. Because some times my efforts won't go so well (like they had been) and I could draw strength from the knowledge that He was aware of me and that He made the call. 

So I have been trying to ponder that this week. I know He knows me. I know He's aware of me. I know He loves me. 

It is never meant to be easy for me here. It was meant to be hard. It wasn't easy for Him. 

I also was able to spend time in the temple this week. All of which has helped me gain perspective. 

Although when I'm starting to find my footing I found out some heartbreaking news about a friend's health and I was like, seriously? 

But I'm grateful I know so I can resume my stalker status and be a better friend for her. 

So there is hope. Always. No matter what I'm going through, I know there is always hope. 

The Poker Face

So there is this actor from a series that I am ashamed to admit that I love.  It has been my go to, escape from reality and all the problems it has, series.  He's known for always having it all together and being a true gentlemen.  However, in a recent episode it was disclosed that it was all a mask.  He cleaned himself up and stayed cleaned to mask and hide his secret demons.  

I could all too much relate to this character.  Recently in order to feel like I'm not falling apart I have made sure I looked all put together.  I even start painting my nails on a regular basis and experimenting with new lip colors and nail polish brands.  I kept thinking that if I looked put together then no one would know I was dying inside.  

I downloaded more feminist songs, looked at inspirational quotes about learning how to grow, read my favorite conference talks, and of course dove into my patriarchal blessing, which led to new screen savers on my phone. I've tried so hard to try and feel like I can do this but still felt more than overwhelmed.  

Last week I finally moved on from the crying stage to just being mad.  I was mad at everyone! Nothing was getting through to chill the anger.  I sat in my pew and just felt like an outward shell of what I once was.  I happy person.  I wondered if anyone could see or did anyone notice that all I felt was anger and animosity towards what I had been asked to do.  

The talks that day were exactly what I needed to hear.  The special piano musical number was a favorite hymn and I realized that I needed to start accepting and stop fighting the new church calling.  

I'm not saying that I have it all together but I am accepting my fate.  I am not asking "why" anymore but realizing that it is call that has come from my Heavenly Father and He wants me to grow.  So I will let Him help me grow.  

This stress is the reason I haven't blogged lately.  I felt like I didn't even have time to breath.  

But I am feeling much better.  Not at all because I feel qualified for the call but because I realized that if He wants me in this calling, then He will strengthen me and help things to workout.  I have to learn to be satisfied with my efforts and patient with others.  

I accept this call.  And I am moving forward.  Still nauseaou but ready.  

My current screensaver for my phone. Convert ALL my experiences to good. 

Star Wars party

Joshua will be having his 7th birthday party this week. He is so excited! I am so excited to have this month over! It has been a monumentous month! 

A root canal, followed by bad reactions to the pain meds, a giant new calling, jury duty, and all of us have been sick! It all started with colds then it turned into sinus infections, for everyone! 

I am incredibly anxious about Febrruary because it can't be worse! 

Jury duty ended early for me because the defense was sick! I have never been so glad to hear someone was sick. It was a tender mercy from heaven and I left the courthouse crying and thanking my Heavenly Father!!! It would of been a three day trial! And a pretty serious one at that. 

My calling is causing stress but I figure it can only get better right? I know almost all the kids names now and this week I have my first sharing time. 

Joshua's party will be at The Home Depot. He's also having a Star Wars themed party. He's incredibly excited and I am anxious to see what craft they will make. 

The party favors. My boys are really excited! I'm pretty proud of my craft skills. 

Seriously, February is going to be awesome! It has to be for my sanity! 

A New Year and a New Calling

Today it was made official.  I had six months in YW serving as the mia-maid advisor.  I loved all those girls so much!!! They made me happy and I loved seeing them grow and learning from their insights about the gospel.

I loved seeing them at girls camp.  When they go to camp, they leave all that the world has on them and they commit 100% to the gospel.  They might be tired and lacking a good shower but they shine the most there.  Hearing their testimonies and being with them brought me a lot of joy.

But I guess it's time for some growth.  At least, that is what Bishop said.  I thought, I haven't grown since 5th grade :(.  Oh well.

Yesterday I was having a panic attack.  I didn't want this calling and I had so much going on this month.  I had a root canal fixed this week, I have the impending jury duty, and Joshua's birthday coming up.  I didn't think January would be so chaotic.

I was in a lot of pain yesterday due to the root canal and having adverse reactions to the pain medicine.  It was be miserable from side effects of the medication or be in pain from the root canal.  Either way, I wasn't doing very well.  I cried and cried.

Matt followed a prompting and after I was done saying my personal prayer for the night I saw him in his suite all ready to give me a blessing.  I happily took the offer.

I went to bed crying but fell asleep fast and had a good nights rest.

I woke up in less pain and with some of the side effects wearing off from the pain medicine.

I still felt overwhelmed but had a tender mercy as I watched my children dance to a silly song before church.  I am mesmerized by children and how easily they find joy.  They aren't weighted down by things but find joy in the smallest moments.  I realized that it was going to be okay and that I just needed to be faithful and demonstrate my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father.

I need to remember the kind words that people have said as they offered their support for my new call.

I was so grateful for the Bishop's setting apart blessing and the words he said.

Tomorrow will be a new day and this year looks like it will be busy and full of growth.

To growth!

I am a Child of God

I am a Child of God is one of my favorite hymns.  I sang it when I was pregnant with Joshua and having extremely painful contractions.  When people say you can't sleep through contractions they are right.  I would wake up every 10/15 minutes and then sing the song during the duration of the contractor.  I remember thinking, HELP me please Heavenly Father! This is the most pain I have yet to experience and it just keep going.  The hospital kept turning me away and were completely incompetent about recognizing that I was never going to dilate enough to push out a giant baby! Side story.

But it's helpful to know because that is the song I chose to sing when I was in excoriating pain.  When I need help, I knew that the only place I can always rely on is my Heavenly Father.

That song again meant something to me when I was serving in the primary presidency in TN.  Senior primary girls would sing this song with a descant.  It always brought me to tears.  When I hear that song sung with the special descant I miss my southern roots! I miss those darling little girls from my Senior primary.  I think about them and how special they are.  I hope and pray that they will always stay true to the gospel principles and in turn be able to claims those blessings that will make them happy.

This Sunday for the intermediate hymn they sang it.  I told my kiddos to sing loudly because I love hearing them sing.  Hearing them sing and thinking about my life I had an overwhelming feeling that I was known by my Heavenly Father and that He would help me rise over anything that might come.  I began to weep because I felt the spirit so strongly.

I want to remember this moment because I know there will be times when I don't feel up for the challenges that I am facing.  When I don't feel adequate enough for what life has given me.  But I can look back and remember the time the Lord gave me a tender mercy when I wasn't even expecting it.  When I didn't know I needed it.  He truly does know me and what I need.

Music is so powerful.  Especially the right kind.

Second Week in January

I am back! January is looking like a crazy busy month.  Joshua turns 7 and I am getting everything ready for his star wars themed birthday party! My little Jedi will be having his birthday party at Home Depot.  They hold these birthday parties where the kids get to build an item and paint it.  Joshua loves that kind of activity, but I'm not sure he really understands it.  He probably was wanting a party at Chucky-Cheese but he has me for a mother.  That place is the pits and I wouldn't pay to go there if I had a choice.  Yuck!

Last month I also received a Christmas present from the state of Colorado! A summons for jury duty! Wahoo! Lucky me.  It's my first time ever getting one of those.  My biggest concern is what to do about my kiddos.  They have paid childcare for me, if I get selected but I can't in good conscious leave them to strangers for 8 hours. I am curious though to see how this process is done.  Either way, I'm praying my number doesn't get called and I get to enjoy the rest of the year without having to worry about my kiddos being watched at a day care.

I am still in YW as the mia-maid advisor and I love it.  I wasn't sure I would because YW has always scared me.  But it is fun. And I have LOVED getting to know the girls.  They are so sweet and individually unique.  Each one brings strength to the class and I miss them when they are gone.  I don't want them to move on to Laurels and will be gritting my teeth when they go.

Being in YW has also made me work more diligently on my spirituality.  I teach every week, minus fast sundays and it takes a lot of work to get a lesson prepared for each week.  But I have grown and am more confident in my teaching.

I forgot to mention that we bought a new car! For Christmas we bought one of my dreams cars, a Nissan Armada.  It's perfect. I have always loved cars and this fulfills my dreams overtime I drive it.  We decided it would be a "happy" everything gift this year.  Happy Birthday, Valentine's, Mother's day gift for the year of 2016.

How am I doing as far as my 2016 resolutions? Not so well.  But I am trying.  I know I need to do better and I am, just not where I need to be.  So here is to another week of trying to think less about shopping and more on activities that develop my spirituality.

Party favors I made for Joshua's birthday.  Star wars Jedi shirts with a 'J' on the sleeve.

I quote I found on IG.  I really like this because I sometimes feel like a masterpiece but then two seconds laters I'm back to being a work in progress.  But it is comforting to think that you can be both at the same time and that it's okay.  

My precious little Ben.  Playing Harry Potter.  He makes me so happy.  A true angel sent from heaven.  

Life Goals...

Priorities. 

A New Years Resolutin I can keep.