And Then There Was None...

One of my favorite things to do growing up was to visit my grandparents. They had this beautifully landscaped yard with a bridge, that was long enough to run down like a runway, and I knew every time I went, I would feel incredibly special. I have so many memories in that house that are all good...actually I can't think of a bad one. There were always more than enough toys for me to play with. And sometimes I would even run into my cousins unexpectedly. It was a very ideal place and one filled the two most amazing grandparents.

When we moved into my current ward I had to give a talk about the Plan of Happiness and I used my grandparents as a perfect example of it. This is how I described how I learned about the Plan of Salvation while growing up.

"Despite having numerous grandchildren I always felt like I was the favorite grandchild. They taught the gospel primarily by their example. They served several missions after retirement and taught their children and grandchildren about the importance of the Plan of Salvation.

My mother use to always threaten my brothers, that if they ever decided they didn’t want to go on a mission they would have to be the one who told Grandpa. And the thought of disappointing my grandfather was a threat she often used, even though my brothers always knew they would go on a mission.

My grandparents had a hall in their home with a 8X10 picture of them, on their wedding day, in front of the temple. And they put each of their child’s wedding day picture, in front of their chosen temple, on the wall. As I continued to grow up, I noticed that the “temple wall” which is what we call it now, grew. Every grandchild knew that this was the standard. And I remember looking up at the wall often as a young child, and thinking, someday I am going to be on that wall. I knew the standard and I strove to live up to it."


Not only were they kind and loving people, they were great examples of teaching their grandchildren the gospel. You hearing growing up that your action affect other people and now I can fully see that the righteous actions of two people can affect generations. It is an overwhelming thought.

My grandma died yesterday evening. She was the last surviving grandparent that Matt and I had. I know losing such precious people to me would much harder if I didn't have the gospel. If I actually had to deal with the thought that I would never see them again or that my time with them was lost forever, it probably would eat at my soul. But I know that I am eternally connected to them and am grateful that they are only gone for a little while.

I am sad that they will never get to dote upon my children and make them feel the way I felt in this life. But I am grateful to have been part of their heritage. I wish I could attend her funeral and see all my family...we have become quite a large group...

I am grateful to you grandma! Kind of jealous you get to meet Benji first...

I will miss you!

Happy I get to share the same wedding anniversary with such an amazing couple!!! 

3rd Sunday Post...

It is almost the end of May and I am elated! I knew this month was going to be so long and I needed to get through a week without Matt. I have survived and am now looking at how few days are left in what seem to be an eternal journey of pregnancy. This last week though I became really frustrated. I was frustrated with myself, the fact that I move like a jersey cow, and that I am still house bound. It has been wonderful weather and I have wanted to go and do things outside with my kids. But my body just won't let me. I have suffered so much from "Mommy guilt" because I want to be a fun active mom with my kids. Poor Joshua is counting down the weeks like me. He's ready for Grandma to be here and ready for mommy to start being healthy again.

I was really down on myself and knew that the only thing I could do was reread a talk given by President Uchtdorf, Happiness: Your Heritage. I love this talk and often refer back to it when I am having a bad day. And it did lift me up again and made me realize that women tend to only see the things they think they "fail" at. That no matter how perfect something is, we tend to only see what we weren't able to do. Motherhood had started to become like that. I could only see the things I couldn't do with my kids and it was incredibly depressing. Amazing talk! Read it!

Happiness

The other talk I that really helped me during these awesome bed rest days was by President Monson, The Divnie Gift of Gratitude. Now that I have established my mood this past week you can understand why this talk would be insightful and helpful to me. I kept thinking that I still have 20 plus days to go and my belly will only continue to grow, making it more difficult to sleep or do anything.

Again, I was incredibly depressed by the thought of how long I had to go until my 39 week mark. I was weighed down by the fact that everyday is just going to get harder and then I have to go through the recovery a c-section. I could not see any hope and I just broke down Friday night. But after reading these talks and talking to Matt I am in a much better frame of mind. I have made it more than 37 weeks and compared to my last pregnancies I am doing fabulous! I can eat (more than just fries) and I can drink water! Water was something I could never hold down with my other two pregnancies. Also, I have a great doctor and have everything planned out, as far as my help goes after baby comes.

I do have a lot to be grateful for and realizing that has helped me relax more and has given me back the hope/motivation I needed to get through these last 2.5 weeks. That's all I have left!

Here were just a few exerts form the talk by President Monson that touched me.

"We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings. Said the Greek philosopher Epictetus, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” 5


"How can we cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude? President Joseph F. Smith, sixth President of the Church, provided an answer. Said he: “The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life.” He continued: “Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!” 9


"Do material possessions make us happy and grateful? Perhaps momentarily. However, those things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, the love we receive from those around us. Unfortunately, these are some of the things we allow ourselves to take for granted."

Book #21

Annals of The Mind Legion, by Craig Woll

I had tried to read this book earlier but I couldn't get into it. I had just read The Kite Runner and I was so emotionally drained from that book. That book was like watching a Law & Order SVU marathon. 

But this book is a great read. An original idea for a story and great writing. I think I was really drawn back to it because I knew it talked about mountain biking a bit and since I am completely immobile it might be nice to read about someone getting some exercise. 

What I liked about the book.

-it was entertaining

-it was a quick read that didn't leave me emotionally drained or disturbed

-it advocated traits about how maintaining self control is valuable in any situation, no matter your age

-it was clean and emphasized the importance of developing ones character

I would give the book 4.5 stars out of five. Definitely worth picking up. 

Book #20

This is the second volume in The Children of the Promise series. I liked it but at the same time It drove me crazy. Hughes created too many story threads for me to follow in this book. My pregnant brain can only handle so much these days. It wasn't that the story wasn't good I just don't have the patience to keep jumping threads. I probably will finish the series someday but I think I need a breather. 

There were some really intense moments and I loved that but it wore me out. I liked thinking about the books issues and how I would of acted in that time. 

I liked seeing how most Germans could get wrapped up in Hitler's promises but then see how sorry they were for believing such lies. And then Realizing that most people could not fathom what he actually did to the Jews. And how they did not support the actions. It helped me understand better how a whole nation could let these things happens. And how important it is to not be blinded by government leaders but to reason and think for ourselves. 

A really good book over all, I am just wanting something not so intense right now. 

Sunday

It is Sunday again and this time I am alone while my boys are at church. A quiet home is weird when you have such crazy boys around you all the time. But I am grateful for the time to reflect on the gospel. The talk I dove into today for my Sunday meal was by President Eyring, Our Perfect Example.

Here is a link to it

Our Perfect Example


My grandmother is dying and it is hard to know that I won't be able to fly back for the funeral since I am still hugely pregnant. My grandparents are amazing! Really, they are and have been the best example for me. They constantly made me feel loved and were a great example of living the gospel. This also comes at a time when we have to watch our prophet lose his precious wife. And my husbands boss has recently suffered a loss as well.

During times like these I am reminded that family relationships is all that matters. That when the cards are down the most important thing in this life is our family.

I love this talk because it talks about how to love in every relationship. How important it is to develop this kind of love and how the Savior is the only one who can bring us peace. A peace that comes from using His atonement to fill the sorrow we feel after such losses.

Here are just a few highlights from the talk.

"That ought to help you understand why any believing Latter-day Saint is an optimist about what lies ahead for him or her, however difficult the present may be. We believe that through living the gospel of Jesus Christ we can become like the Savior, who is perfect. Considering the attributes of Jesus Christ should quash the pride of the self-satisfied person who thinks he or she has no need to improve. And even the most humble person can take hope in the invitation to become like the Savior."

"Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example. Our way of life, hour by hour, must be filled with the love of God and love for others. There is no surprise in that, since the Lord proclaimed those as the first and great commandments. It is love of God that will lead us to keep His commandments. And love of others is at the heart of our capacity to obey Him."

"That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love. The ideal God holds for us is to form families in the way most likely to lead to happiness and away from sorrow. A man and a woman are to make sacred covenants that they will put the welfare and happiness of the other at the center of their lives. Children are to be born into a family where the parents hold the needs of children equal to their own in importance. And children are to love parents and each other."

"First, I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion."

"You have felt it in your family when you asked the pardon of your spouse or forgave a child for some mistake or disobedience. These moments will come more often as you try to do the things you know Jesus would do. Because of His Atonement for you, your childlike obedience will bring a feeling of love of the Savior for you and your love for Him. That is one of the gifts that is promised to His faithful disciples. And this gift can come not only to you alone but also to the loving members of your family. The promise was given in 3 Nephi: “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children"

Book #19

I know it has been more than a while since I read a full book for fun (excluding the BOM). But since being on bedrest I decided to pick up my goal, at least for the last few weeks I have left. I started The Children of the Promise series. I wanted light reading and something that would entertain me. When I saw it had 4.5 stars on GoodReads I decided it was worth the $4.50 on amazon to buy (price of shipping $3.99).



I think like Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites you can read more into these books than is actually there. Which is why I so enjoyed the Tennis Shoes series, I let it apply to me.

Children of the Promise, Rumors of War, made me think about what kind of parent I would truly make? Would I be controlling? Would I be preachy about the gospel? Would I let my children be independent when I can see they could be making a mistake?

It also made me furious at times because it brought up a subject close to my heart, Gender Disparities. And how these are viewed by some men in the church, NOT THE CHURCH to be clear, but just how men can view women. And wondering if I would of been as independent minded as I am if I had lived then? Or would I have conformed? And if I conformed would I have been happy?

Was it entertaining...YES! Did it help pass my bedrest time...YES! Did it help me strengthen my own testimony and made me ponder ideas that I hadn't thought about or love thinking about...YES! So I think I would have to agree with GoodReads and give it 4.5 stars out of 5.

I am a little worried though, because there are five books in the series and it hasn't been a week since I received the first two...better order the rest.

Sunday

Since I am on a form of bedrest I don't go anywhere. Sometimes I run drive-through errands because it drives me crazy being house bound but I probably shouldn't. This is my second sunday of not going to church and to be honest, it is kind of depressing. So I have been trying to really research lots of older conference talks to be spiritually fed. I found this amazing talk by President Benson called, "To the Fathers in Israel." Which actually goes along quite nicely with a Mother's day theme. It was given in 1987 and the problems/advice President Benson gives are still present in our society today. It was amazing! Probably one of my favorite talks, especially because it concerns mothers and the value the Church puts on womanhood. Here are some exerts from the talk that I found so profound.

I think I will keep trying to post a Sunday post while on bedrest. It will help me "Open My Mouths" daily about the church, a challenge our Stake is working extremely hard on. Here is a link to the talk as well.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1987/10/to-the-fathers-in-israel?lang=eng

"In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting may have to be tighter."

"I remember the counsel of our beloved prophet Spencer W. Kimball to married students. He said: “I have told tens of thousands of young folks that when they marry they should not wait for children until they have finished their schooling and financial desires. … They should live together normally and let the children come." (This one really touched my heart because I have always felt guilty about not working while Matt went to graduate school. Because of that we had to take out student loans for the first time and it caused us both to stress. But we have been blessed with a job that allows us to live comfortably and pay for those student bills off.)

"However, along with that presiding position come important obligations. We sometimes hear accounts of men, even in the Church, who think that being head of the home somehow puts them in a superior role and allows them to dictate and make demands upon their family.

The Apostle Paul points out that “the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:23; italics added). That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home. We do not find the Savior leading the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church with disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using force or coercion to accomplish His purposes. Nowhere do we find the Savior doing anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families."

"What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with all your devotion. Surely when you love your wife with all your heart, you cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her, or abuse her by words, sullen behavior, or actions."

"This kind of love can be shown for your wives in so many ways. First and foremost, nothing except God Himself takes priority over your wife in your life—not work, not recreation, not hobbies. Your wife is your precious, eternal helpmate—your companion."

"Love means being sensitive to her feelings and needs. She wants to be noticed and treasured. She wants to be told that you view her as lovely and attractive and important to you. Love means putting her welfare and self-esteem as a high priority in your life."

"Remember, brethren, love can be nurtured and nourished by little tokens. Flowers on special occasions are wonderful, but so is your willingness to help with the dishes, change diapers, get up with a crying child in the night, and leave the television or the newspaper to help with the dinner. Those are the quiet ways we say “I love you” with our actions. They bring rich dividends for such little effort."

Mountains to Climb

I love this video. I really needed to hear this today and I am so grateful for the gospel!

Streaming Thoughts...

This post is just a random post of things I have been thinking and observing.

1. Love my boys so much! I have been trying to do a little preschool with Joshua everyday. Somedays it happens and somedays I sleep through his school time. And I often don't think that he is learning anything or that anything sticks. But one day we went Hobby Lobby and we were looking at art frames. The frames had famous works of art by Monet, Van Gogh, Degas, and others. Without realizing what that we had talked about these artists, he tugged at my arm and said, "mom, is that a Degas?" HAHAHAHAHA. I did a double take and looked around to see if anyone else heard my four year old ask if an art print was a Degas! Such a smart kid, it was a Degas and it was one he hadn't seen before. Guess they are really listening and observing.

2. Hate it when people make some comment about how I need to now have 3 girls or that maybe next time I will get a girl. That I should just try again and they are sure there is a girl in there somewhere. Really? Shouldn't you just be excited that I am having a baby and everything so far has gone well? People really don't think before they speak. I love having boys and am excited to contribute a few good men to the world...because let's be honest, there really isn't enough.

3. I love my neighborhood. One of the thing I miss about living in Logan was having this communal feeling among the residents. How I was able to go out and meet up with other ladies in the ward and play at the park. I loved not driving anywhere or having to set up an official play date. I live next to 5 families with kids who all play with mine. They are all about the same age and the moms are fabulous! We sit in the shade, watch our kids, and just chat. This has been really helpful since I have to put myself on a form a bedrest. I sit and chat without feeling awkward that I am not all done up for the day. Love my neighborhood mommies! Because let's face it, even when you get dressed up you still feel so frumpy and awkward at this stage of pregnancy.

4. Bedrest isn't so bad this time around. A few weeks ago I did a few things over a couple of days that brought on contractions and lots of pain. I realized that I now needed to stop trying to be super mom and just pace myself. I told my doctor what happened and he agreed, that I probably should be on a form a bedrest and just pace myself. Need to make it a few more weeks!

5. My doctor now realizes that looking at my weight is just confusing. I gain weight, lose weight, gain, lose. But baby is measuring right on and he said this baby will probably be around 7'11 and if we waited the 40 weeks he would probably be a good 8 lb baby. He is happy with the growth and the activity of the baby and thinks all will go smoothly. Cross your fingers for me!

6. I am learning how to accept help. I live in a great neighborhood with an incredible ward. Since learning that Matt will be gone for a week soon, we asked a family here in the ward if they wouldn't mind being our emergency contact family. Just in case I need to rush to the hospital that they would watch our boys. They were thrilled!!! After that I heard from the RS and my VT about how they can help and them offering to do ANYTHING for me. I normally would just shrug them off and say, I'm fine. But I gave them details and promised I would call if I needed anything. Even agreed to let them take my boys for a few hours the week MAtt is gone. I also gladly accepted a meal from another church neighbor. I don't know why I can't accept help, I tend to seek it out for others and give it, but don't ever want help. So this is a huge growing step for me. :)

7. Benjamin is almost done! I cannot believe I will have three little boys. Joshua and Samuel have such a special bond, I am excited to see how he will fit into our family dynamic. Boys love babies and I think they will do well, minus the less time they get with me.

8. When we use to go out people would see my little boys and smile and then see I was clearly pregnant and stare. Yes, I look like I am 17, and I am about to have a third child, but I am not 17 and yes, I did finish college. Again, don't you just love people? Before I was showing people in my wards here mistook me for a YW. Really? Do I honestly look like a 17 year old? I have a wedding ring on and a two year old by my side.

9. Most days we stay in our PJ's til noon and just play around. I feel bad I am not taking them to the Zoo or the park but I have realized they just want my attention and time. Since both boys have often expressed tender mommy moments lately, staying home must not be killing them.

10. I love Matt so much! He recently acquired some golf clubs. Matt and I both agreed that men who leave their wives for long golfing trips were selfish. Mainly because the wife would again, have to watch the kids while the husband went off and played. But I have realized something, Matt needs an outlet to help manage his stress. A way to relax after work.

In one of my religion classes at BYU our professor told us a story about how one of the prophets use to golf a lot to help him focus and manage his stress. One of his counselors found this so confusing and frustrating because he always seemed to be out of the office. Well one day he decided to track down the prophet at the golf course and get some papers signed. The prophet could tell he was frustrated at having to find him on the golf course and asked him to finish the last few holes with him. The counselor said, No! But then the prophet said, "Brother, I command you to finish this with me." He said, fine, since you are using your priesthood on me, I will. The counselor said he later learned that the prophet used this time to think and manage the weight of his calling. That often he felt the weight of his call and it would of driven him insane if he didn't get out and away from the office. THis counselor later was called to be a prophet and took up golfing. I told Matt I would rather have him golf for a few hours and come back and be rejuvenated. So far so good. I guess moderation in all things right?

(Maybe I was also willing to let him take this hobby up because I recently acquired a Kate Spade diaper bag...it totally allows me to be a better parent. So I guess golfing would allow him to be a better parent too. :) )


Mainly life is great and I am so excited to be done with this pregnancy and hold my little one. I think my boys are done too of Mommy being sick and not able to play chase anymore. Sweet Joshua now tells me I need to rest or I will get a time-out. He always has been my little advocate.



The boys watching a movie in Benji's room. Still in our PJs.