January is usually a lull month. I start to put Christmas stuff away and I can't believe how fast the Christmas break went. How fast the year went. After I started high school I realized how fast time goes by. At BYU time flew. After my graduation it slowed down because of my pregnancies but now it is going so fast.
I use to always remind myself and other people that I wanted a career. That somehow my life would be so much better if I could have a part-time maybe 3/4 time job. No doubt the extra income would be nice and being away from the stress of rearing children would be so rewarding. I feel so ungrateful now for thinking that.
Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have such well behaved children. I always just rolled my eyes and said, well they are perfect for strangers but so hard for me. And nobody believed me.
I told my sister that I loved going to the zoo and other children friendly places because I watched other parents there. It makes me happy because I see that I'm not the only one who struggles. But since Joshua has started school I have seen more kids.
Joshua and Samuel are incredibly perfect. Joshua needs constant entertainment and patience. Patience. He really is so good and so kind but sometimes I forget that he's only 2 or 3 or 18 months old. I wish I didn't have to change diapers, clean up constantly, potty-train, make dinner, fight to get them to bed.
But honestly, Joshua is pretty much perfect. He minds, he just needs extra explaining. He's endearing and so sweet. He always knows how to cheer me up when something bad happens. He always tells me he loves me. He loves to be happy and ALWAYS wants me to be happy. He really is perfect. There is not a better word for it.
And if you can believe it Samuel is just as perfect.
Which brings me to my epiphany. Motherhood broke me. It did. I admit. Broke me into tiny piece.
But the little children I have now healed me.
I love being a mother. I LOVE being a stay-at home mother. I love that my husband has a job that allows me to do what I REALLY want.
I'm not sure why other women criticize women who work outside the home. If anything I think stay-at-home mothers would go out of there way to help them. They know what they are missing. They know they aren't going to be there for them throughout the day and pray that somebody will love them and care for them until they can come back. How hard it must be to walk away from your child and let someone else see those priceless moments. Honestly, I can't understand why anybody would rub that in someone else's face?
We watched a friend's child this week who is just as sweet as Joshua. About every hour this little boy would ask, "where's my mom? Is my daddy coming?" It just broke my heart and made me grateful I don't have to see my child go through this.
How blessed I am to be a stay-at-home mother. It wasn't always easy but now I see little more clearly how blessed I've been.
This moment of feeling overly blessed came from reading President Eyring's priesthood oct 11' talk. Here's the quote that nailed me.
"Great priesthood trainers have shown me how to build that strength: it is to form a habit of pushing on through the fatigue and fear that might make you think of quitting. The Lord’s great mentors have shown me that spiritual staying power comes from working past the point when others would have taken a rest."
Working past the point when others would have taken a rest. I'm usually exhausted from being a mother. Sometimes they drive me crazy. Being restricted to mundane simple tasks that are incredibly repetitive drives me crazy. But I now see beyond that. How grateful I am to be a mother!!!!
