Clarifications

I think I need to clarify some things--for my friends who read this blog and don't have my number. Which u should email me so I can give it to you anyways smith_mar4@yahoo.com.

I had melt downs and panic attacks a little while ago because matt was leaving for japan for his MBA program. Here are the reasons why I, being in an emotional casserole state freaked and what has been going on since he's been gone.

1. I am really needy. I'm not someone who could do this parent/life thing without matt. We've only ever been away for 5 days. So I don't do well with being away from him in general.

2. This time he was going to be in a whole different country and leaving me with a rambunctious two year old and being at 35/36 weeks pregnant.

3. I'm pregnant. Recovering from side effects of medication from my sinus infection. So I have not felt well or as well as I usually do when I'm pregnant.

4. I'd be staying away from my perfect recliner matt got me for my recovery from this pregnancy. I've been unable to sleep in a bed since February.

5. My little boy doesn't sleep at grandma's house. Enough said.

6. I'd be away from my doctor and a hospital I trust and am Comfortable with.

7. Matt has been pulling so much weight lately because I'd been sick and pregnant. He wakes up with Josh so I can sleep til whenever I want. He changes all the poop. He cleans. He runs all my errands. He makes sure everything is perfect for me and I'm comfortable. Yes, this was a big concern I had about him leaving. How am I supposed to be two parents? Even one functioning parent?

This is what happened while he's been gone.

1. Josh has a hard time napping--which means mommy has a hard time sleeping/napping.

2. No comfortable place to sleep.

3. Mommy has to be wonder women and super man to take care of herself (the baby) and Josh.

4. Mommy is the only one discipling and Josh just cries for daddy or 'papas' when I'm disciplining. Which is hard because I always feel like the bad guy.

5. He's been going through a phase of waking up really early and not eating well. Which means--cranky tantrum filled days. Hurray! :)

6. Matt gets caught near the biggest earthquake japan has had since 1928. Luckily he emailed me and let me know that he felt the earthquake but he was far enough away that it didn't really effect him or the city he was in.

7. Matt has to fly out of Tokyo. Bullet train still working but probably nothing else. So they can get Ito Tokyo but they are wondering can they get to the airport and will the flight be delayed from anything else?

8. Here's where is gets fun. I started to spot while he was gone. So I called my doctor and he sounded very concerned and told me to come in and get checked out. One problem. Far far away from that hospital.

9. Went to the hospital late at night, the only night it has had a major snow storm.

10. Of course got stuck with a crappy labor and delivery nurse. Seriously! She was awful. I knew more then her
And she then asked my mom if I needed a translator after talking to me for the past 10 minutes! Honestly how stupid are people.

11. Had to deal with everyone acting like this baby was coming that instant. Dealt with my frantic parents and the possibility that maybe it would happen away from my preferred doctor, pediatrician, and oh wait, my HUSBAND!

12. Pretended to stay calm so everyone else would stop freaking out on me.

13. All checked out okay, but I was told I needed to rest because I was already slightly dilated and could start contracting more if I didn't. I just smiled and laughed because how does a single parent rest? I mean seriously?

14. Still experiencing back pain and contractions so I must not be resting enough--again surprise. But they've settled down for the most part and I have a feeling when I get back To my doctor bedrest will be on the list of things to do. But no more spotting so I am grateful!

I marvel at women who say good-bye to husbands who go to war. I marvel at women who say good-bye to husbands and have kids. So if you've ever had your husband leave for more than 10 days and have had kids you have achieved saint-hood in my eyes.

One more thing I've hated that people have told me before when hard time hit my life. "well just be grateful you are not...". Excuse me. My trial is real. My pain is real. Comparing trials is not fair and I hate when people do it. Trials are made for each individual and no one can pass judgement on one, and say that one is easier then another.

Matt has a quote I love, by president Hunter I think, that says something like, 'you'd be surprised how equal trials are for people. How much equality actually does exist in trials Because people are different and have different needs.' President Eyring says the same thing so there are two good reference for not comparing trials and not telling people ...well at least you are not this person or have this.

I guess this last part counts as a confession. Sorry to rant. But I'm safe, matt will be home soon, and hopefully this baby decides to stay all cozy inside my uterus until the planned due date. :)