Baby 3.0...

With every pregnancy I've gravitated toward a song. I relate too much to music, I know but this is how I cope with things. Aside from shopping :). This time around is

Stronger, by Kelly Clarkson.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller

What doesn't kill you makes you fighter

Footsteps even lighter>

I'd like to think I am a fighter. And I know, that with each pregnancy it has made me a stronger person. A much better person, than anything else could of. I have written so many post about how motherhood broke me. And I don't know exactly how to explain how or when my attitude changed. It was like learning to play the piano. At first it's just painful. Completely new, totally lost, and frustrating. But then after a few years of practice it becomes fun. You want to show off what you can do. You like the confidence it brings you, and although you still have to practice, and the songs get harder and more intricate, the rewards have grown exponentially. I had played with the idea that maybe getting a job would be good for me. But after we moved, I told Matt, "Man, why would I ever want a job? I have the best life! I am so HAPPY!"

I really enjoy being a mother. Joshua and Samuel bring me joy that I can't express in words. I am so proud of them! I am proud of all they can do. We have so much fun playing and chasing each other.

This child was not in the plans, at least from us. We had looked into adopting and foster care. We were on that road and then lightning struck and I told Matt, I know we need to have another baby. He was shocked, and not quite sure if I was thinking correctly. Because, my pregnancies are less than ideal. Zofran is constantly needed, I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. How could I do this with family far away, doctors I don't know anything about, and with two CRAZY boys? But I tried to have faith and just trust that things would work-out, if it really was meant to happen. And it then it happened, and we knew it must of been right.

So I think I am crazy most days, and still cry because it is hard. But between a great husband and sweet boys I am doing okay. I listen to my song, and the YouTube church videos, which always make me cry. But cry in a good way.

I miss UT and the great Dr. Tandy Olson and the great Spence's Pharmacy in Logan. Both were first class in their professions. But I have finally found a great doctor, thanks to our Grandma Fredline, and all seems to be looking good.

Baby looked great today. Was a very active child, so all of our ultrasound pictures are blurry because he/she would not stop moving.

Smith baby #3 is due mid June. Yeah!