March Madness

This picture was taken after a horrible few weeks. I decided I needed some quality family time and not to focus on my calling. It was a great night and ended with good food. 

Temple cookies and CTR cookies for the great to be 8 party. So much work, but I'm glad everything turned out. 

At the Denver museum's exhibit of chocolate. The boys were sad the exhibit didn't have any samples. 

I was glad to see February go! It was one crazy hectic month. The bad news is that we all have colds now. I think my body finally stopped being in panic mode and realized I had stressed it out long enough. It's time for some rest and recovery now!!! 

Our great to be 8 party went really well! I was so grateful because that was a source of lots of stress! I had never been to one so I had no idea what exactly it was suppose to be like. 

Now I will be moving on to trying to staff the primary, seems to be a continuing issue, and getting to know the kiddos. 

My family is well! We are sick at the moment but have been great. The boys are excited for Easter and General Conference! It's the best time of year!!

Joshua surprised me yesterday by telling me that he wanted to start fasting. I asked him what he wanted to fast for and his answer was perfect. He told me wanted to fast for opportunities to share his pass-along cards the missionaries gave him. He also wanted the people he gave the cards to, to come to church. What a sweet boy? He has such a good heart! I don't deserve his goodness. 

I think we spend most of our time at parks. I love the sunshine here!! 

The Chasm is Closing

"But it is never going to be easy for you or for those you serve. There will always be pain in service and in the repentance necessary to bring the power of the Atonement to change hearts. That is in the nature of what you are called to do. Think of the Savior, whose service you are in. At what point in His mortal life can you see an instance when it was easy for Him? Did He ask easy things of His disciples then? Then why should it ever be easy in His service or for His disciples?"- President Eyring 

After having a really hard and terrible two months I'm finally feeling better. I spent last weekend loving on my family because I was a stress monster to them. I had no patience and was crazy. It was a great way to recharge. Matt also installed blinds in some of our windows and we hung curtains to help our home feel more finished. It's still all white walls but I don't mind. Whites coming back. At least it's clean! 

But I'm back to feeling more like myself. I have a big project coming up and am super excited for it to be over. I am looking forward to seeing the results of all our hard work. 

This week I only had to do a sharing time for junior primary. I was a little relieved but sad because I feel like senior primary always goes better than Junior. Probably because they are older and tend to contribute more to the lesson. I always stand up there and just feel like a preforming monkey and never know if the teachers think I'm crazy. I got a text message from one of the teachers today telling me she really enjoyed my great lesson. I was floored. It was a true tender mercy and I was so grateful to her for sharing her kind words. She will never know how I needed to hear those things from her. 

I was also going over some talks by President Eyring and realized I really needed to receive my own personal confirmation about being a primary president. I needed to know that it was truly what Heavenly Father wanted for me. Because some times my efforts won't go so well (like they had been) and I could draw strength from the knowledge that He was aware of me and that He made the call. 

So I have been trying to ponder that this week. I know He knows me. I know He's aware of me. I know He loves me. 

It is never meant to be easy for me here. It was meant to be hard. It wasn't easy for Him. 

I also was able to spend time in the temple this week. All of which has helped me gain perspective. 

Although when I'm starting to find my footing I found out some heartbreaking news about a friend's health and I was like, seriously? 

But I'm grateful I know so I can resume my stalker status and be a better friend for her. 

So there is hope. Always. No matter what I'm going through, I know there is always hope. 

The Poker Face

So there is this actor from a series that I am ashamed to admit that I love.  It has been my go to, escape from reality and all the problems it has, series.  He's known for always having it all together and being a true gentlemen.  However, in a recent episode it was disclosed that it was all a mask.  He cleaned himself up and stayed cleaned to mask and hide his secret demons.  

I could all too much relate to this character.  Recently in order to feel like I'm not falling apart I have made sure I looked all put together.  I even start painting my nails on a regular basis and experimenting with new lip colors and nail polish brands.  I kept thinking that if I looked put together then no one would know I was dying inside.  

I downloaded more feminist songs, looked at inspirational quotes about learning how to grow, read my favorite conference talks, and of course dove into my patriarchal blessing, which led to new screen savers on my phone. I've tried so hard to try and feel like I can do this but still felt more than overwhelmed.  

Last week I finally moved on from the crying stage to just being mad.  I was mad at everyone! Nothing was getting through to chill the anger.  I sat in my pew and just felt like an outward shell of what I once was.  I happy person.  I wondered if anyone could see or did anyone notice that all I felt was anger and animosity towards what I had been asked to do.  

The talks that day were exactly what I needed to hear.  The special piano musical number was a favorite hymn and I realized that I needed to start accepting and stop fighting the new church calling.  

I'm not saying that I have it all together but I am accepting my fate.  I am not asking "why" anymore but realizing that it is call that has come from my Heavenly Father and He wants me to grow.  So I will let Him help me grow.  

This stress is the reason I haven't blogged lately.  I felt like I didn't even have time to breath.  

But I am feeling much better.  Not at all because I feel qualified for the call but because I realized that if He wants me in this calling, then He will strengthen me and help things to workout.  I have to learn to be satisfied with my efforts and patient with others.  

I accept this call.  And I am moving forward.  Still nauseaou but ready.  

My current screensaver for my phone. Convert ALL my experiences to good.