Life and Friends

I have been blessed to have a friend in my life who has changed me forever. She always glowed and made me laugh. She never took herself too seriously and was a no-none sense kind of women. I loved going out to eat with her because she never cared what I ate or commented on her recently acquired new diet/exercise routine. She was just happy to be sitting and having lunch with me. 

I have made this friend my shopping buddy. To add her to amazing qualities she also is incredibly brilliant and well spoken. She reads all the time and I also found out that she spoke at her graduation at BYU, in the Marriot Center, because she was one of those curve breakers who broke all curves, even at BYU. 

I always felt a little guilty serving her because in return for a service I rendered she would give 10x the love and appreciation in return. She was always so grateful for any thought of her and I came to believe that I was actually a good person. She even once called me, Christ-Like, which I couldn't believe because I know my faults and they are many. 

But that is the way she makes me feel. She makes me feel unique and special. I guess that is what a true friend is. Someone who makes you believe you are amazing. Someone who doesn't judge but takes you as you are and shows you the good. 

She has been fighting a hard fight against cancer and now she has decided to stop treatment. 

It breaks my heart more than I can explain. I have tried to keep busy and recently drove to the mall and spent more than I should to keep my mind off of the pain I feel. Driving for me is a great time because my children are often quiet and I am able to ponder. 

But I am just grateful to have been her friend. I know so many people love and admire her for her exemplary example of womanhood. 

I have wondered why this is happening to this perfect person and her perfect family. But unfortunely I know why I shouldn't ask that question. 

Elder Scott said, "It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience?" (Trust in the Lord)

What am I to do and learn from her? 

How to show gratitude

How to be kind to everyone

How to be patient 

How to laugh even when all seems to be going wrong 

How to be a woman of faith

How to wear heels 

How to properly describe overly girly products..."it looks like a unicorn threw up on it." 

How to describe some peplum tops, "it looks like a pregnant ice skater outfit."

Elder Scott in that same talks about, "To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all. When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love." (Trust in the Lord)

So now I must trust in Him to know that everything will be alright. I have no fear for her because the reward for such a valiant life will be with our Heavebly Father. But I need to trust that I can handle the absence of her in my life. I hurt for her dear Dad and mother--people who I grately esteem and love. I ache for her two beautiful daughters and husband. The people who will most feel the absence of her, when all the crowds and people are gone. 

Dearest friend I love you. 

Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. 

Samuel is 3

Today we went to the zoo. It was such a fun filled day. My neighbor thinks I'm crazy for taking all three by myself but I wouldn't have it any other way. We have a system down and we maximize our time for the most fun. 

I can't believe three years ago we had no idea about anyone here in TN or Ben. Three years ago I was trying to fathom the idea of having 2 boys. I still had my awesome friends in Logan with me though. Student life was painful but much less complicated. 

All I can say is I love being Samuel's mom. I love that we call him Samuel the Lamenite. I love that he falls asleep EVERYWHERE...seriously. He goes and goes and then stops, sometimes mid bite. He is sweet and funny. He is a great big brother for Ben and has always showed love for Ben. Samuel always wants to help me do errands and must go on "adventures" everyday. He hates just being stuck at home. 

He currently loves elephants, the zoo and of course the usual cars and trains. He has a special bond with Daddy and is all around a happy boy. 

Love you Samuel! 

Falls asleep at dinner all the time. Poor guy! 

Agency & Anger

I found this amazing talk, I know I say that a lot but it truly was. It talked about anger and understanding why people might be prone to choose this way to solve problems. I will freely admit that I broke my goal of not yelling at my children today. The situation that led to this failed goal today was daylight savings, potty-training an almost 3 year old, and three kids hungry and tired. 

I felt so bad after because I had done so well for so long. And poor little Samuel was the lucky recipient of my yelling. His eyes swelled with big tears as I ranted and when I saw them I was reminded why I made this New Years resolutions. 

I will continue to work harder as a parent and as a person to not be upset because I know it is wrong. I read this talk by Lynn G. Robbins (Agency & Anger), earlier this week and found it would make a great FHE lesson. My boys tend to get angry and yell sometimes and I think explaining to them why this behavior is wrong will help them grow to be better people. This especially important to me because one day they will be fathers and husbands.

 I appreciate that Matt so early in our marriage made it clear to me that I was ridiculous and way out of line when I yelled at him. We have made it a point to never yell at each other since that first incident. I have the best husband! 

Here are just some highlights from the talk. 

"Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29; emphasis added). The verb stir sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers." 

"No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!"

"The Lord expects us to make the choice not to become angry. "

"Anger is a yielding to Satan’s influence by surrendering our self-control. "