ANSWERS

Elder Ballard came to my stake conference a while back. our stake is a young married student ward. He challeneged us to share our testimonies through our many media outlets. I have a private blog where I vent out my frustrations. I have found it very theraputic but I felt impressed to post about what happened to me today on our family blog rather than keeping it to myself.

Those of you who know me know that I like to extensively plan--everything! I'm so OCD! I write lessons and talks months before, if I can and practice over an over until I feel satisfied. My nightmares consist of not being ready for a talk/test and failing it miserably. I even dream about not being prepared for my piano lessons, I know I'm crazy but that is just how I work.

We are speaking in our ward here in CA and I was also assigned to give a lesson in RS the same day. One whole day of teaching, which I love and hate. I was fully prepared to give both last week. My computer started to do some funny things and I had a feelin to save my lessons/talk onto my jump drive. I thought I was just being paranoid and ignored the prompting.

Sunday I was going to have matt read it bc I felt like it wasn't quite ready. I turned on the 'on' button and guess what...it didn't work. I cried and was so mad! I felt the stinging feeling of regret and remorse for not listening to my prompting. I'm so stupid I thought! Matt encouraged me to just try and write it out again bc I had all the resources in my email. but when I tried, the talks I pulled up were different. I had a major meltdown. how could I be such an unprofitable servant! matt came to my rescue again and took the comp to a repair show to hopefully get the laptop fixed. At least they could give us the info on the hard-drive and I can get my lesson/talk back.
I felt better but was still sad.

I put Joshua down for a nap and began to do my personal reading. after I had another feeling to look over my notes that were from my mad seemingly unfruitful search this morning. what did I find? I found an answer to a long awaited prayer. I found a way to better explain my talk. the hole I felt missing in my talk was found. from there I recieved pure insights from heaven--bc I'm not that smart. I love that feeling, feeling the spirit work within me.

I was able to draw up a better outline for my talk and now feel so good. Why do I feel so good? because God showed me mercy. He knew I wouldn't listen to my first prompting. Yet he still prepared a way for me to succeed. But it only came after I worked for it. After I began to show more faith. After I proved myself again. After I listened again!

Don't ever give up on anything! God loves you and will always prepare a way for you--even if you fail first--He will provide a way. Daily miracles happen if we take the time to see. If we stop overreacting and trust Him.

Thank You Heavenly Father!!!!

ps if there are grammatical errors it is bc I wrote this on my phone--please bare with me :)