New Year!

Last year was full of surprises and adventures.  We saw 8 temples, visited the ocean, and spent a week in Bear Lake.  Not to mention our numerous trips to UT for our wedding anniversary.  It was a big year and full of things I thought I couldn't do.

Looking back I can't really believe I survived.  I survived entering my 30s and survived primary.  I accomplished every thing that I needed to do.  Granted there were many tears along the way but I did it.  And I keep reflection on that fact.

Heading into 2017 I feel more confident and ready to meet the challenges ahead.  However, it does make me a little nervous for the future.  Why do I need the skills I'm gaining? What could be ahead?

But an important lesson I learned from this year is that things always seem to work out.  I really should stress less and trust more in my Heavenly Father's plan.  When I'm doing His work things tend to work out.  And if they don't according to my plan, it doesn't mean I failed.  It think that is the biggest lesson I learned this year.

My definition of failure changed.

My current screen saver on my phone is one of my favorite pictures of Christ reaching down to Peter through the water and holding His hand out to him...to me.  It has a quote on it that says,"Failure is not a problem.  Mediocracy is not a problem...complacency is a problem.  Indifference is a problem." This came from a book I read by Brad Wilcox.  [Yes, Brad Wilcox sent me mail this year!!! Well, he sent my husband but it came to my house.] He sent me [matt] one of his books called, The Continuous Atonement.  This book blew me out of the water!! It came during a time that was terrible and it became my life boat.  I learned so much about the Atonement and my understanding of failure. I ended up buying his second book, the Continuous Conversion.  

What I learned from these books was that as long as I keep trying I haven't failed.  I make mistakes and it doesn't deplete from my worth.  My worth doesn't change.  My potential doesn't change.  His love for me doesn't change.  And that is what I need to keep perspective about my calling, motherhood, and myself.

I fail when I stop caring that I failed.  I fail when I stop trying.  I fail only when I stop.

I've never been afraid of hard work, thanks to my dad, so as long as I keep trying it won't be failing.  I will be able to learn from my mistakes and move forward.  Growing from them and turning them into strengths.

It's what has happened before.

So I just need to keep trying this year.  Keep working and keep my head up.
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There also needs to be more balance of my time this year.  Less time worrying about clothes/shoes/bags and more time investing in my kids.  I used shopping this year to help me deal with my stress.  I'm afraid to put out there how many new clothes/shoes/bags I bought.  I really like to shop but there are definitely better ways to deal with my stress.

Like practicing the piano, and working on my gospel knowledge, and working on my IG account, Generalconferencememes.  In April it will have been alive for a year.  And about 400 followers to date.  I am personally kind of proud of that.  But I'm grateful that it keeps me working on finding good quotes to share with others.  There are few people who have made such nice comments on the page and that keeps me going.  Maybe, someone seeing the quote that day will have the light that they need for the day.  And that means it is all worth it.  I won't ever know my influence and there is no way I can measure it.  I remember hearing that when you can't do those things to your efforts, it means that they are the ones that matter most.

So here is to a new year full of more adventures, more smiles, more joy, and more trials!!!

Let's go!

Not Today...

So this basically has become my online journal.  I don't write very fast anymore and enjoy typing because the speed at which I can type.  Those piano lessons sure paid off for multiple reasons.

Matt and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago.  We spent the time in UT visiting temples, eating good food, and meeting up with good friends.  It was a good break from reality.

On our way home though, reality struck with a call from someone from the ward about something that had happened that day at church.

I dreaded going back to "work." I kept thinking, I don't get paid enough for this...

I know may pay check comes from Heavenly Father which is probably the best employer but that week and now rolling into this week I have felt that this isn't worth it.

I have been on the edge of panic attacks the last two weeks.  When I was younger I use to have what I thought were heart problems.  It was probably from stress.  I look back and think yes, those heart palpitations were from the stress of my life.

They left after I married Matt.

Who knew they would come back?

Well its' safe to say that they are back from stress.

I wonder if the church will pay for my counseling?

Hahah!

My biggest concern isn't with the children.  I love those kiddos more than I can express.  I had the sweetest experience with one of the "hardest" kids in primary.  I felt like for a moment I was privileged to see and feel how much Heavenly Father loved this kid.  He later insisted on holding my hand and asked me if I could come home with him.  He also noticed my special bracelet I wear in honor of my friend Shannon.  It was a neat experiencing telling him about her and why I wear the bracelet.

My biggest obstacle in this call is dealing with adults.  Adults make this calling miserable.

What I've been trying to figure out is that people have these difficult situations in life and think that entitles them to be cynical.  Cynical to those they don't like.  They get to be judgmental because their life is much harder than others.  I agree their life is hard. I don't take that away from them for a moment.

But guess what? Everyone's life is hard.  Everyone faces challenges beyond their capabilities.

Some people's challenges aren't as easily seen as others. And some people suffer silently with their trials.

It's handling these people who are bitter cynical and just plane mean that really gets me frustrated.


Everyone has a choice.  They can learn from how the cookie crumbled in their life or they can just keep crushing it into the floor. Making sure everyone knows the horrible condition of their cookie.

If you struggle and you want help, ask for it.  And if you don't get the help you want.  Then tell the people who are willing to give of themselves that you don't want dinner but want someone to take your kids to the park so you can rest.  Be specific.

And don't blame people for being people.

Everyone carries their own burdens, whether you see it or not.

So be nice.  Be specific.  Be kind.

Because everyone feels like their drowning in this life.

30 and 10

I have always wanted to be older than I was.  I am child number 5 of 6 kids with a 10 year gap between me and my oldest sibling.  My three oldest siblings always seemed to live this perfect super cool life.  Complete with dating and BYU adventures.  I longed for the day when I would get to be where they were.  When I would be done with being a little kid.

Time goes by fast.  I remember sitting in my gym class after a long night of studying and telling my junior high teacher that I would sleep when I was older.  Boy was that wrong!

I am reflecting because this year is a big year for me.  I turn 30 and Matt and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  I finally can say I am no longer in my twenties.  People might actually not mistake me for a RM as past stake presidents and bishops have.

But this new era has also caused some serious pondering. I will be 30.  How did that happen? What will my 30s be like? Thirteen going on 30 feels like a movie a relate far too much to.  That is how I feel when I was called to be in YW.  A fish out of water, because she really isn't an adult, but a 13 year old girl in an adult body.

The biggest problem I see though is having people give me the stare and wonder how I am where I am in my life without being in my 30s yet.  I know I am the joke and stereotypical type Mormon mother.  I made great grades, from a white middle class family, went to BYU, met my husband in our family home evening group, and am a mother of 3 boys.

People then tell me how grateful they are they didn't get married young.  How experiencing life was so fantastic and getting married would of just made them a terrible person.  In fact, that is only what girls do when they lack depth.

Normally this doesn't bug me but the last time his happened it unnerved me.  I started comparing my husband's career success to my "worldly" success.  And of course the scale would show the worse picture.

A picture of me as an utter failure.

A good talk with my husband and some serious contemplating brought me back to the truth.

What I am doing and what I have done has been successful.

I have experienced living in 3 different parts of the country.  Made new friends who we consider family now, when we literally knew no one within the entire state.  Lost a friend to cancer.  Lost a nephew.  Survived 3 c-sections. Survived potty-training 3 kids. Spoke and danced in front of 2,000 people at BYU. Had an opinion editorial published in the BYU paper and acknowledged by the Dean of students. And many more other experiences during this decade of marriage.  Graduated from BYU with a high GPA and didn't pay for tuition once (Thank you U of U tithe payers)!

I am tired of people thinking that there must of been something wrong with me because I got married  young.  Or that I caved to the pressure of the church and got married in my teenage years.  Or that I wasn't a driven or motivated person.

I got married because I met the right person! What would it have been like if we had just dated during my BYU life because I was too obstinate to marry young? Or because I walked away to pursue my worldly goals? Have you seen 13 going 30?


I would have missed out.


I would have lost.


I don't need your approval on my life choices.


I made the right choice for me.  Please don't try and rationalize my choice because it wasn't what you would of chosen.  You don't know who I am or what I have been through.

So happy milestone reaching to me! I am glad I can be a real adult soon because I truly still feel like a teenager.